justneedsomehelp | Open Post

[Continued from here]

That's not fair because how can Steven possibly not make a protein shake joke? Marc's fault for being so devilishly handsome and built like a brick wall and all that.

... And they are talking about this, yes. It's strange to be, but they are. Well, maybe strange isn't the right word. It's just. Sad. For both of them, but more for Marc. Steven can't help that twinge of guilt as he ducks his head down, fidgets with his hands a bit. "That nasty old bird..."

It wasn't right, doing that to Marc. He needed help, not to be encouraged into indulging all those nasty little vices, being pushed to do worse without second thought.

And Steven feels even worse for the twinge of anger he feels at that. I wrote back. He'd been a fool. An absolute fool. It doesn't matter what Marc intended to do, stringing him along, it's still just... desperately painful that his mum was a lie.

That he's-- a lie in a way.

A lie come to life, real to Marc sure, but... no therapist worth their weight would be inclined to agree with that, would they?

"She wasn't real, Marc. What I thought-- she wasn't any of that. She did terrible things to you... I hate that. I hate that I didn't get to protect you from it."

Edited 2022-05-11 00:54 (UTC)

[Maybe Steven feels a little bad that he insisted they go home from the pub when Mr. Forward Stranger decided to grab Marc's arse and suggest they go back to his.

And by insisted, he may have been screeching in Marc's head. Just a little, tiny bit? But to be fair, that was a scary prospect, even if it was Marc in the driver's set, so-to-speak. It's selfish and stupid -- Marc should get to live his life too. But Steven would know what's happening, and he's certainly never done more than kiss, let alone have a guy's hand getting much too friendly with his... bum.

And he didn't want to just disappear for the night, go off somewhere all by his lonesome when he's gotten used to this whole package deal, this whole co-conscience thing.

It's been so much less lonely.

And he's so grateful that Marc listened and brought them home with minimal scandalized memories for the Victorian duchess alive and well inside Steven Grant. It's a miracle though that they managed to remember to do the ankle cuff before they collapsed to bed. He wasn't too successful in getting Marc to not strip down to his undies and just collapse into bed, but... well, small victories and all that.

He didn't quite expect to wake up like this though, in his bed, in his flat, but with Marc right there next to him. They're a bit... awkwardly entangled and it's. Oh, it's very awkward.

Somehow he's at least in his preferred pajamas in bed. It feels too reminiscent of the asylum, but he's rather sure they're not dead. He hopes. Oh, he hopes very much. They hadn't had that much to drink, yeah?]

Marc?

[He's trying to squirm away, but there's a leg in between his and his arm might be caught under Marc. Apparently Steven somewhere along the way mistook Marc for a teddy bear, yeah? All soft and cuddly -- except he's not really that. Well, maybe cuddly. There's just not much soft about all those muscles.]

Marc-- mm, wake up, mate. My arm...

[It's somehow both numb and tingly and he just needs to move it a wee bit, please...]

[continued from here]

[Oh, so much worrying and retyping everything and then worrying about how Marc will take it after he's read it. Happy? Sad? Frustrated with Steven for-- some reason.]

Just... wanted to.

[Maybe he thought Marc deserves some affection. He never got much growing up, did he? And Steven just... wants Marc to know he's loved. Or that Steven is glad he's around now.

Maybe he just feels bad for how he openly wished Marc would go away in the beginning, said such mean things to him. He still thinks he had a right to be upset, but Steven isn't the sort of person who wants to be mean to anybody.]

I just wanted to make sure you knew, that's all.

[Continued]

Oh, I imagine it's quite past the time of worrying whether we'll be up all night, yeah?

[Somebody has his thoughts going... elsewhere, after all.]

But that sounds like a brilliant start, love.
On your back for me.

[His nerves are riding kinda high right now, but-- Steven's been quiet all day, off to whatever bit of their brain he goes when he's not in control and when he isn't present. Maybe he's just having himself a long nap, who knows. Doesn't matter, not when Marc's put himself to use setting up a full-length mirror beside the bed, put a few more around the flat here and there so maybe.

Maybe they'll get to see each other a little more... properly.

It's not the same as being face to face, not like in the Duat. But this is going to require some compromise if they want to give this sort of... relationship... thing a go.

And all Marc can do is hope Steven doesn't end up resenting him for it later, hating him.

A little late to give into nerves now as he sits on the edge of the bed, hands nervously placed on his knees as he stares into the reflection.]

Steven? You there, buddy?

[continued from here]

Who says I have to stay there all the time? I have no plans of ending my own acquisitions. But I wouldn't mind stopping in. Seeing how you both are. You both need someone to check in on you. I don't want to uproot Steven, either. If you're still married to me, he's married to me. If we're all into this together, we should at least spend some time together. Sort of live together.

[continued from here]

You think either one of them will be okay with the blood I've put on their hands? Marc can't go a day without whining about his guilt. Steven doesn't have it in him at all.

They don't get what we need to be and they don't want to deal with Khonshu. So I'll do it and clean up all the messes, you know? And they can just keep in denial about what the blackouts really mean.

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