[Or was he supposed to throw a punch for the Fruit Loops comment? He's probably heard worse in his life...
Either way, he grabs a beer for Bucky, whiskey for himself.]
... What? [He gives a look, then he gives Toucan Sam the stinkeye. Really? That's where they're going with this?] ... That's not Khonshu! That's Marc's terrible fucking diet and cheating on Steven's vegan slop.
My phone can't look anything up. [Bucky produces his old relic of a phone, complete with clicks buttons and all, before tossing it carelessly onto the bedside table.]
Oh he introduced himself? [Bucky checks the frosted flake box over. Tony looks far too happy for a tiger, but it might be all that sugar.]
How is this cheating? Are there invisible pieces of bacon in fruit loops? [He can't tell if Steven keeps kosher because he's vegan but Bucky's seen those ornamental scrolls and been offered those triangle biscuits, so. Steven seems fairly committed as far as the holidays and the traditions go.]
You are old. [Suddenly, Jake's feeling like a spring chicken. He shakes his head and reaches in his pocket for his own phone.] Or are you just like Marc and wanna keep it hard to trace you out.
[But find, look. He's pulled up a wiki page for Khonshu to offer out.]
Fruit loops aren't vegan. Animal ingredients. Plus, I don't like'em without milk. Real milk. Not that nut stuff Steven likes.
['Steven likes nut' is not a sentence that belongs in any universe anywhere here or out there.]
I like the battery life. [Although he ignores many of his messages a lot of the time anyway so there's not always a good reason for him to have any phone.]
Shit, really? [He would have thought something like cereal should be vegan. But--] How do you know all this shit? Have you been reading everything and doing grocery shopping for Steven?
[C'mon, mind out of the gutter. Steven's probably not even tried that sort of nut.]
Marc does it more than I do, but sometimes, y'know? Gotta make sure the body doesn't starve. [And watching the guy aimlessly look through his apartment for something to stuff his face with is kinda sad, you know?]
[What does Jake know about what Steven has and hasn't tried? Hasn't he had a crazy time these past few months?]
They make food for each other to find. It's-- kind of weird actually. [Bucky has leaned against the counter and watch Steven and Marc stand in roughly the same spot in their kitchen, with Steven fretting over pasta bake for Marc and Marc panicking at disintegrating matzo balls because he couldn't use eggs to bind the ingredients together.]
You don't seem to care if the body doesn't sleep or recover. [Bucky is pretty sure it's just Marc and Jake trying to coddle and spoil Steven. He is oddly dependent on them in some ways.]
Yeah, well... They're both kind of weird. [But clearly not Jake. No, perfect example of normal.] Think they've adopted each other as brothers by this point.
[But also clearly not him. No, he's the dirty little secret they both pretend not to notice. He can't say he blames them and he can't say he's not used to it.]
Khonshu will repair the damage. He's not gonna let us die. [So it doesn't matter what abuse he puts it through really. Good as new in no time.] Doesn't mean Steven doesn't get hungry and he's the one fronting the most these days still. Gotta pay off wrecking the john or whatever... even though that was technically Marc's fault.
[Judging by how many times Steven has asked Bucky if he thinks Marc will like it and Marc has asked Bucky if he thinks Steven will like it, 'brothers' is... not the word Bucky would use.]
Neither of them have mentioned your bird friend. [Probably because they were happy/relieved to be rid of him. But it just makes Jake seem all the more crazy when only one of them has brought him up.] Maybe I should ask... and why isn't Marc paying for it then? I haven't seen Marc in a while.
Yeah, well... they don't know he's still around. They think we broke off our deal, but see? I'm not ready to give it up. [He's perfectly fine with the blood on his hands, thank you. He's not going to pussy out of doing the bad stuff or let it eat up his conscience.
... And alright, maybe Marc and Steven are like an old married couple.]
Steven doesn't want his money. [He shrugs his shoulder.] Don't ask about Khonshu. Don't mention it to'em. Marc's-- off being a fucking pussy, hiding off, claiming it's for Steven. It's why I gotta step up now. Somebody has to watch the guy while Marc's convinced he's better off trying to disappear or whatever's in his head.
I know he's had it rough, but... [They all have, haven't they? Not like Mom only ever screamed at him, only ever beat him. Not that he's getting into that.]
So... don't talk about you, don't talk about Con-shoe, don't talk about the cereal box animals... [That's a lot he's not supposed to talk about. Luckily, Bucky isn't much of a conversationalist and while Steven finds the staring problem highly unsettling and babbles to fill in the uncomfortable silence, Marc when he makes his cameo appearances these days probably prefers that they both sit in silence and drink and that works just fine for Bucky.]
I'm pretty sure if Steven sold two of his books he could pay off the damages. And he won't even notice they're gone. [Yeah Bucky's eyes have poured over all the spines. He saw a few first editions in those shelves.]
They're losing value since he doesn't look after them. [Some of those old tomes are far more high maintenance than any of those three can commit to. A proper humidity controlled environment? Steven touches everything with dirty hands, forget about using gloves or anything else. And since Steven is not using them, Bucky doesn't see the harm.]
You can always buy another one to replace it. Something where it won't matter if he's breeding bookworms in his shelves.
[Steven's not that helpless. Besides, self-destruction is Marc's territory, surely?]
Yeah. He wouldn't even know they're gone. [And not because Bucky is being extra stealthy about it but he knows what Steven would and wouldn't notice. He definitely would notice if his goldfish wasn't fed. But he wouldn't notice if a book disappeared from this shelf or that shelf. Nor did he notice when Marc accidentally defrosted the wrong burger and gave him the Possible Meat instead. These sorts of things are fine, or so Bucky believes.]
I'll give him all the money. Unless you want to deal with that.
[Weird kinda gift, considering Steven would have funded it by himself. All Bucky would have done was fenced them. But it'll probably make the poor guy happy, or bring him some relief at least and he can focus on his books and his TV and everything else.]
[Neither Steven nor Marc think particularly highly of Jake, that's for sure. But he figures Jake knows what they think about him, so there's no need to bring it up.]
Yeah, that's clearly why I came here. [Said flatly without an accompanying eyeroll, but the flat tone conveys the same sarcasm. Whether or not he's eager to die is one thing. If he can choose how he goes, it's not going to be in a room like this or by the hand of somebody talking to Toucan Sam.]
[Of course they don't. He's the big, scary boogie man who keeps hijacking their body. They didn't even care enough to investigate in the Duat. Or maybe they were just too scared to do it.]
Right, c'mon... you want another beer? You're here now. Might as well.
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[Or was he supposed to throw a punch for the Fruit Loops comment? He's probably heard worse in his life...
Either way, he grabs a beer for Bucky, whiskey for himself.]
... What? [He gives a look, then he gives Toucan Sam the stinkeye. Really? That's where they're going with this?] ... That's not Khonshu! That's Marc's terrible fucking diet and cheating on Steven's vegan slop.
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Right well which one's Con-shoe then? [He holds up a couple more options.] We got um... Frosty the Tiger or-- Coco Pops Monkey...
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But that doesn't mean he's not fantasizing about bashing that pretty head in right now.]
Stop being a smartass. Don't you have a phone? You can look up Egyptian gods. [A pause.]
It's Tony the fucking Tiger, by the way.
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Oh he introduced himself? [Bucky checks the frosted flake box over. Tony looks far too happy for a tiger, but it might be all that sugar.]
How is this cheating? Are there invisible pieces of bacon in fruit loops? [He can't tell if Steven keeps kosher because he's vegan but Bucky's seen those ornamental scrolls and been offered those triangle biscuits, so. Steven seems fairly committed as far as the holidays and the traditions go.]
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[But find, look. He's pulled up a wiki page for Khonshu to offer out.]
Fruit loops aren't vegan. Animal ingredients. Plus, I don't like'em without milk. Real milk. Not that nut stuff Steven likes.
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I like the battery life. [Although he ignores many of his messages a lot of the time anyway so there's not always a good reason for him to have any phone.]
Shit, really? [He would have thought something like cereal should be vegan. But--] How do you know all this shit? Have you been reading everything and doing grocery shopping for Steven?
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Marc does it more than I do, but sometimes, y'know? Gotta make sure the body doesn't starve. [And watching the guy aimlessly look through his apartment for something to stuff his face with is kinda sad, you know?]
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They make food for each other to find. It's-- kind of weird actually. [Bucky has leaned against the counter and watch Steven and Marc stand in roughly the same spot in their kitchen, with Steven fretting over pasta bake for Marc and Marc panicking at disintegrating matzo balls because he couldn't use eggs to bind the ingredients together.]
You don't seem to care if the body doesn't sleep or recover. [Bucky is pretty sure it's just Marc and Jake trying to coddle and spoil Steven. He is oddly dependent on them in some ways.]
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[But also clearly not him. No, he's the dirty little secret they both pretend not to notice. He can't say he blames them and he can't say he's not used to it.]
Khonshu will repair the damage. He's not gonna let us die. [So it doesn't matter what abuse he puts it through really. Good as new in no time.] Doesn't mean Steven doesn't get hungry and he's the one fronting the most these days still. Gotta pay off wrecking the john or whatever... even though that was technically Marc's fault.
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Neither of them have mentioned your bird friend. [Probably because they were happy/relieved to be rid of him. But it just makes Jake seem all the more crazy when only one of them has brought him up.] Maybe I should ask... and why isn't Marc paying for it then? I haven't seen Marc in a while.
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... And alright, maybe Marc and Steven are like an old married couple.]
Steven doesn't want his money. [He shrugs his shoulder.] Don't ask about Khonshu. Don't mention it to'em. Marc's-- off being a fucking pussy, hiding off, claiming it's for Steven. It's why I gotta step up now. Somebody has to watch the guy while Marc's convinced he's better off trying to disappear or whatever's in his head.
I know he's had it rough, but... [They all have, haven't they? Not like Mom only ever screamed at him, only ever beat him. Not that he's getting into that.]
Either way, don't mention me.
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I'm pretty sure if Steven sold two of his books he could pay off the damages. And he won't even notice they're gone. [Yeah Bucky's eyes have poured over all the spines. He saw a few first editions in those shelves.]
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[... It's not a bad idea. He wonders how tight of a grip Steven actually keeps on some of the ones he never seems to touch.]
He'd still wonder about the cash, and good luck convincing the guy to sell a book. He'll find a reason to hang on.
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You can always buy another one to replace it. Something where it won't matter if he's breeding bookworms in his shelves.
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I got enough shit on my plate. You think you could take'em and sell them?
[He's busy with the killing and keeping Steven from accidentally killing himself.]
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Yeah. He wouldn't even know they're gone. [And not because Bucky is being extra stealthy about it but he knows what Steven would and wouldn't notice. He definitely would notice if his goldfish wasn't fed. But he wouldn't notice if a book disappeared from this shelf or that shelf. Nor did he notice when Marc accidentally defrosted the wrong burger and gave him the Possible Meat instead. These sorts of things are fine, or so Bucky believes.]
I'll give him all the money. Unless you want to deal with that.
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[Self-destruction is definitely Marc's territory, and Jake can't say he's not a little happy to not have to be preventing it all the time.
And he's maybe not too worried about killing Bucky right now when he can be useful. Killing him or beating him up, whichever.]
Just take the money, pay it off for him. He'll think it's a gift, y'know? I'll give you the details.
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As far as assholes go, you're not so bad.
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[There's a grin flashed briefly.
And look, he doesn't have to know about the books. He doesn't need to know where Bucky got the cash from. It'll be fine.]
C'mon, not gonna murder you or anything.
[Probably...]
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Yeah, that's clearly why I came here. [Said flatly without an accompanying eyeroll, but the flat tone conveys the same sarcasm. Whether or not he's eager to die is one thing. If he can choose how he goes, it's not going to be in a room like this or by the hand of somebody talking to Toucan Sam.]
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Right, c'mon... you want another beer? You're here now. Might as well.