"Isn't there anything else you'd like to do though? A lot of that was that bloody pigeon, not you." Did he want to travel? For actual fun, not because he was told to, or in some sort of danger. Maybe-- maybe Steven wouldn't be opposed to that.
"Yeah, well... I'd just like a job, that's all. Keep the old lights on at home, keep food on the table. You know?" His wants are fairly... boring, really. Not exciting. Maybe Marc will be bored before long... and he's not sure where that will leave him.
"Enjoying the shower? You're always so tense, mate..." Not that Steven is much better, really.
"Haven't really thought about it." The pigeon didn't get a warrior as he did get a soldier and he maybe thinks a soldier is better, at least at just following orders without asking for too much in return.
"It's okay, Steven. We'll find a job." It hasn't been easy and the way he got Steven fired from the museum hasn't helped at all. But every time he tries to help, Steven insists on going through the process on his own, and Marc can only... well. Be supportive without thrashing the place again. Maybe that's helping plenty, whatever that says about him.
"Yeah. Layla used to say the same thing. Then she'd squeeze my shoulders and dig her thumb in right there," and Marc's knees almost buckle from the jolt of pain that even Steven can feel all the way back in the recesses of their mind. "Would've been nice to have you on the outside when we aren't dead. You could've squeezed all these pain points out of me."
"You should. I want you to do things you like too, you know." Maybe it won't be easy, but-- this is their body and as long as it's not senseless killing and violence... well, he'd like Marc to be able to live a little bit.
"We will, one way or another!" He tries for optimism in his voice and he hopes he succeeds. But-- he looks like a very bad guy to hire right now. He'll find something, somewhere though... even if it's not doing anything he actually enjoys.
There's a surprised yelp when the pain makes its way all the way to him. Marc can imagine Steven is in their shared space up in their noggin, rubbing at his not-really-real shoulder and pouting after that. "... I miss getting to do that. Touch you, I mean."
... That came out kind of funny sounding, but it doesn't immediately dawn on him. "We'd have to get a bigger bed if I was out there though."
"Well let's get you settled in first, then we'll worry about me, huh?" That makes it easier to keep moving the goalposts. Once Steven finds a job then it'll be waiting until the job's stable. Then it'll be waiting until he's got a routine. Then it'll be tidying up the flat a bit. And hopefully by then Steven will be too upset at Marc for trying to clear out his treasured piles of junk and yell at him to leave again.
"Oh - sorry. Did you feel that?" He probably shouldnt have done that, or at least given Steven some warning. "I always miss it when it's too late, you know?" Marc mentions off the cuff once he's dried himself off enough to wrap a towel around his waist and can walk around without leaving a wet trail behind him.
"I keep thinking I should have spent more time with Layla, before everything went to shits. I..." this is awkward to admit but at least he can busy himself drying up and not risking eye contact in case Steven is in the reflection. "I mean. One more lifetime with you, could've been fun. Even if we share a small bed. Although, wouldn't you want your own bed? What if I snore or hit you in the middle of a nightmare?"
Oh, Steven is there -- studying Marc quietly, even if he's not quite looking at him. He frowns softly. "You could still spend time with Layla, you know."
Maybe she's still angry, but he thinks-- they can maybe work it out. Now that things aren't quite so crazy and they have time. She cares about Marc after all. He doesn't wan to push it too hard though, start another argument. So he just tries-- for a safer topic. Hopefully. "If we had, what would you have wanted to do? All the time in the world, just you and me."
Okay, well-- that's a good point. "I guess I'm just used to sharing a bed now... we could do separate."
They kind of have to share and maybe-- well, Steven is still a bit concerned about sleep walking and all that, even if it may be a bit silly. He's not sure Marc would like sleeping next to him all buckled in, with all the sand every night if he had a choice.
"It's not the same. You aren't the same after everything I've told you." It's some getting unplugged from the Matrix shit, things Layla cannot unknow about him and her father. Things Steven cannot unknow about his mother, the nature of his existence. And at the centre of it all, nobody wants to say it but he knows: It's all Marc Spector's fault.
"I don't know. Maybe I'd have taken you on a trip around the world. There's some really spectacular places out there. Maybe you would have taught me French and shown me some rusty spearheads or vases and statues or whatever. Crusty oil paintings in some of these museums." The rusty spearheads and Greek vases honestly sound boring. He might be able to appreciate an oil painting better.
"And I wouldn't mind, sharing a bed with you." If he can sleep in that little stretcher alone he can sleep anywhere with anyone. And just quietly, to himself, he wouldn't mind a few of Steven's soothing, light touches or combing his hair back helping put him to sleep.
"I might freeze to death though if you take the whole blanket in the middle of the night and leave me out in the cold," Marc teases as he dries the back of his neck and slips into some of Steven's clean clothes.
"Doesn't mean it can't be good still, yeah? We're good." They make a good team, don't they? Or he likes to think so. For all his anger and annoyances with Marc -- well, he still doesn't regret they're here. Together. Things wouldn't feel the same if he were gone again.
Oh. That's-- quite nice. He's not actually sure what he thought Marc would say, but that's a winner when it comes to answers. "We can still do that, me and you. I can still teach you French."
And show him things, or give little factoids, or whatever Marc would want. He's-- not sure if he's ready for a world tour yet, but they can do some things.
"I wouldn't do that!" He protests. "No more freezing for either of us. You'd just have to stay close if we're sharing."
"I don't know, Steven. Are we good?" Marc lifts his head a bit and glances over his shoulder even though Steven's not physically standing there. "I haven't told you everything. And you haven't told me how you're coming to terms with it all." Marc's suspecting not well, but they can work through it together.
"Yeah? I might be unteachable," Marc warns, throwing the towel over behind a stool and picking up the whiskey glass, making his way over to the bed. It's all soft and weird and he's not sure how the same body can be used to two different ways of sleeping, two different diets, two different everythings. But he's not going to question it too much.
"We'll see what happens with the blanket," Marc teases as he settles onto the edge of the bed and drinks a bit more. "You look like a blanket hoarder to me, Steven..."
"We're--" That's not fair. Steven wants to say yes, but honestly, probably not as much as they could be. They're... better though. Working through some things, yeah? "You could tell me now. And I'm... just taking things a day at a time. It's not something you can process over night, is it?"
... And part of him still maybe thinks Marc should go get help. One day, Steven will-- probably disappear anyway, the better Marc gets. It's a depressing thought to linger on in a way. Well-- not entirely. He'd like to see Marc well after all. He's not that selfish. But he is scared of dying, even if he's not quite real. How awful would he be if he said as much to Marc?
"I don't believe that for a second. Maybe it's all-- in there anyway. I didn't learn to fight on my own, did I?" It was because Marc knew it, and so Steven had to have the skillset in there somewhere too, right?
"How do I know you're not the cover thief and you're just projecting?"
"I don't want to." He would have taken his past to the grave if it meant that Steven could go on to the Field of Reeds and not have to worry about Marc's recklessness while he could just die in the desert.
"I'm not gonna suddenly speak French, Steven," Marc replies with a scoff. "And you're not gonna suddenly speak Arabic. It's not like your 'muscle memory' theory." Which, that's also not exactly how that works, he's pretty sure. "I wouldn't be able to keep anything from you otherwise. There's a-- thing between us. You're your own person and I'm my own person." And Marc is fully intent on keeping things that way.
"Let's put it to the test then. Next time we go back in." It's because Layla's the duvet thief that Marc knows he likely isn't the snatchy fighty one. Not to mention, it's Steven. He already lets him have everything. He'd be lucky to have his own sliver of the bed to lie on while Steven hogs 80% of the mattress and 100% of the blanket.
"You can't do that... you can't just say I don't want to!" That's not fair-- can't they just... be honest with each other? Why does it have to be so difficult with Marc? He doesn't want to fight, but... he just wants to feel like Marc can at least trust him with the less nice bits too.
"I know we're-- different. But... you did make me up. Maybe part of you wants to be able to speak it. Or--" He trails off, thoughtful. Maybe Marc just has a type. It's a bit difficult to ignore the similarities between him and Layla when it comes to-- interests. But does that mean Marc influenced Steven or did Marc just seek those qualities out in someone else or--
That whole line of thought has him uncomfortable though. He's quite to shrug it off, push it down. "It doesn't matter, does it? I'm me and you're you, and we're staying that way."
"Steven..." Marc is on the brink of apologising. He hadn't meant to upset the little guy. "I've had half a glass. I'm not-- I'll tell you when I'm ready to, okay?" Is it worrying that he needs to drink to talk? At least Marc is being honest about not being ready rather than promising that he will and he will and he will and he ends up never doing what he says.
"You're not just some-- imaginary friend I made up. I didn't pick some traits I liked off a catalogue and assemble you like a lego figure. I needed someone, and you were there for me. You're no more made up than a broken condom or-- lines on a pee stick." They just... happen to be sharing more things than other people. He hopes one day Steven won't hold the way Marc made him against him. But of course, that involves talking and listening on both sides, doesn't it?
He takes another big swig of whiskey and leaves the almost empty glass on a safe flat surface, trying not to touch it anymore.
"You gonna be okay tonight Steven?" He doesn't want to just fuck off and let Steven enjoy the rest of his quiet night in if Steven's going to be upset.
"Marc..." No, that's definitely worrying. He doesn't want Marc to have to drink himself into oblivion, force himself into talking. He just isn't sure anything he says will make a difference on that... not tonight. "... Okay."
Okay. When he's ready. He can-- try to be patient.
"Quite a colorful... comparison there, mate." Broken condom? Lines on a-- on a pee stick? Of all the things... he's not entirely certain how that makes him feel, but just add it to the laundry list of things that are complicated and he's still trying-- and failing to process properly. To be fair, there aren't any books on how to handle this, no advice anyone can give.
"Mm. I'll just read a book or two." How can he make Marc sit up and babysit him? It's not... fair to him, even if he'd rather not be alone. He's got the fish to keep him company at least.
"I'll hang around." He doesn't want to be alone either. And Steven makes for decent company, regardless of what he thinks about himself.
"I'm not just interested in you reading that story out loud. Come on. Get comfortable." It's always awkward when Steven rolls on in and gets whacked upside the head with all that alcohol but Marc's been trying to ease him in and he's been acclimating better every time.
lmao it's okay, I got you!! Marc probably would call it that 😤
"Are you... sure you don't want another drink?" If it helps Marc, he can maybe look the other way just this once, just this day. Just this one day that's tough on the both of them. Well-- didn't use to be tough on him, but.
"Okay, okay... if you're sure." He doesn't mind if Marc would like to stay in control for a bit longer, but-- fine. He can swap out. And get hit with the slight buzz of alcohol, the burn he swears is lingering behind. The warmth left in its wake isn't so bad though.
"If you give me another one I'm not going to stop," Marc warns. He knows he has little self-restraint once he cracks open a bottle and if Steven wants to have even half a productive day tomorrow, and wean Marc off these bad habits, he'd dig up all the caches of liquor and hide them from Marc.
For a moment, it seems like Marc's completely vanished, but then he tugs the blanket over on top of Steven to tuck him in and get him settled in for storytime.
"Okay..." No more drinks, then. Part of him is still vaguely worried he'll go to sleep and wake up with a hangover though. Marc has been better about not just clutching for control the minute he closes his eyes, but... this is a bit of a special circumstance, isn't it?
But there's Marc, tucking him in and he can't... exactly stop a smile. "No, I'm good. Are you ready to pick up where we left off, Marc?"
"Yep." Marc is back on the windowpane once Steven has settled down. He's got his arms folded behind his head on the bed, looking up and out the apartment although he's listening closely. He can get more restful sleep here compared to that little cot and it's a lot less stuffy with some fresh air through the window. He doesn't feel like he's breathing in the mould growing all over other peoples' junk and there's no echoes of approaching footsteps to get paranoid over. He can just-- lie there and listen to Steven and let himself drift off knowing that the flat is mostly safe.
"Let's get through the next chapter." Maybe two if Steven is feeling up for it. Hopefully they don't all end in cliffhangers. That's going to get old and annoying real fast.
Steven reaches to grab the book, opening up to the next chapter they're on. There's a brief look over before-- he starts to read the next exciting adventure of the veteran smuggler. Of course there's voices and animated gestures to emphasis the paragraphs.
Maybe he should feel a bit embarrassed, but-- Marc seems to have been entertained the last time and Steven is wrapped up enough in the story that he doesn't seem to mind being a little silly.
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"Yeah, well... I'd just like a job, that's all. Keep the old lights on at home, keep food on the table. You know?" His wants are fairly... boring, really. Not exciting. Maybe Marc will be bored before long... and he's not sure where that will leave him.
"Enjoying the shower? You're always so tense, mate..." Not that Steven is much better, really.
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"It's okay, Steven. We'll find a job." It hasn't been easy and the way he got Steven fired from the museum hasn't helped at all. But every time he tries to help, Steven insists on going through the process on his own, and Marc can only... well. Be supportive without thrashing the place again. Maybe that's helping plenty, whatever that says about him.
"Yeah. Layla used to say the same thing. Then she'd squeeze my shoulders and dig her thumb in right there," and Marc's knees almost buckle from the jolt of pain that even Steven can feel all the way back in the recesses of their mind. "Would've been nice to have you on the outside when we aren't dead. You could've squeezed all these pain points out of me."
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"We will, one way or another!" He tries for optimism in his voice and he hopes he succeeds. But-- he looks like a very bad guy to hire right now. He'll find something, somewhere though... even if it's not doing anything he actually enjoys.
There's a surprised yelp when the pain makes its way all the way to him. Marc can imagine Steven is in their shared space up in their noggin, rubbing at his not-really-real shoulder and pouting after that. "... I miss getting to do that. Touch you, I mean."
... That came out kind of funny sounding, but it doesn't immediately dawn on him. "We'd have to get a bigger bed if I was out there though."
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"Oh - sorry. Did you feel that?" He probably shouldnt have done that, or at least given Steven some warning. "I always miss it when it's too late, you know?" Marc mentions off the cuff once he's dried himself off enough to wrap a towel around his waist and can walk around without leaving a wet trail behind him.
"I keep thinking I should have spent more time with Layla, before everything went to shits. I..." this is awkward to admit but at least he can busy himself drying up and not risking eye contact in case Steven is in the reflection. "I mean. One more lifetime with you, could've been fun. Even if we share a small bed. Although, wouldn't you want your own bed? What if I snore or hit you in the middle of a nightmare?"
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Maybe she's still angry, but he thinks-- they can maybe work it out. Now that things aren't quite so crazy and they have time. She cares about Marc after all. He doesn't wan to push it too hard though, start another argument. So he just tries-- for a safer topic. Hopefully. "If we had, what would you have wanted to do? All the time in the world, just you and me."
Okay, well-- that's a good point. "I guess I'm just used to sharing a bed now... we could do separate."
They kind of have to share and maybe-- well, Steven is still a bit concerned about sleep walking and all that, even if it may be a bit silly. He's not sure Marc would like sleeping next to him all buckled in, with all the sand every night if he had a choice.
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"I don't know. Maybe I'd have taken you on a trip around the world. There's some really spectacular places out there. Maybe you would have taught me French and shown me some rusty spearheads or vases and statues or whatever. Crusty oil paintings in some of these museums." The rusty spearheads and Greek vases honestly sound boring. He might be able to appreciate an oil painting better.
"And I wouldn't mind, sharing a bed with you." If he can sleep in that little stretcher alone he can sleep anywhere with anyone. And just quietly, to himself, he wouldn't mind a few of Steven's soothing, light touches or combing his hair back helping put him to sleep.
"I might freeze to death though if you take the whole blanket in the middle of the night and leave me out in the cold," Marc teases as he dries the back of his neck and slips into some of Steven's clean clothes.
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Oh. That's-- quite nice. He's not actually sure what he thought Marc would say, but that's a winner when it comes to answers. "We can still do that, me and you. I can still teach you French."
And show him things, or give little factoids, or whatever Marc would want. He's-- not sure if he's ready for a world tour yet, but they can do some things.
"I wouldn't do that!" He protests. "No more freezing for either of us. You'd just have to stay close if we're sharing."
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"Yeah? I might be unteachable," Marc warns, throwing the towel over behind a stool and picking up the whiskey glass, making his way over to the bed. It's all soft and weird and he's not sure how the same body can be used to two different ways of sleeping, two different diets, two different everythings. But he's not going to question it too much.
"We'll see what happens with the blanket," Marc teases as he settles onto the edge of the bed and drinks a bit more. "You look like a blanket hoarder to me, Steven..."
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... And part of him still maybe thinks Marc should go get help. One day, Steven will-- probably disappear anyway, the better Marc gets. It's a depressing thought to linger on in a way. Well-- not entirely. He'd like to see Marc well after all. He's not that selfish. But he is scared of dying, even if he's not quite real. How awful would he be if he said as much to Marc?
"I don't believe that for a second. Maybe it's all-- in there anyway. I didn't learn to fight on my own, did I?" It was because Marc knew it, and so Steven had to have the skillset in there somewhere too, right?
"How do I know you're not the cover thief and you're just projecting?"
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"I'm not gonna suddenly speak French, Steven," Marc replies with a scoff. "And you're not gonna suddenly speak Arabic. It's not like your 'muscle memory' theory." Which, that's also not exactly how that works, he's pretty sure. "I wouldn't be able to keep anything from you otherwise. There's a-- thing between us. You're your own person and I'm my own person." And Marc is fully intent on keeping things that way.
"Let's put it to the test then. Next time we go back in." It's because Layla's the duvet thief that Marc knows he likely isn't the snatchy fighty one. Not to mention, it's Steven. He already lets him have everything. He'd be lucky to have his own sliver of the bed to lie on while Steven hogs 80% of the mattress and 100% of the blanket.
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"I know we're-- different. But... you did make me up. Maybe part of you wants to be able to speak it. Or--" He trails off, thoughtful. Maybe Marc just has a type. It's a bit difficult to ignore the similarities between him and Layla when it comes to-- interests. But does that mean Marc influenced Steven or did Marc just seek those qualities out in someone else or--
That whole line of thought has him uncomfortable though. He's quite to shrug it off, push it down. "It doesn't matter, does it? I'm me and you're you, and we're staying that way."
Because Marc is a stubborn twit.
"Deal. Maybe you'll be surprised."
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"You're not just some-- imaginary friend I made up. I didn't pick some traits I liked off a catalogue and assemble you like a lego figure. I needed someone, and you were there for me. You're no more made up than a broken condom or-- lines on a pee stick." They just... happen to be sharing more things than other people. He hopes one day Steven won't hold the way Marc made him against him. But of course, that involves talking and listening on both sides, doesn't it?
He takes another big swig of whiskey and leaves the almost empty glass on a safe flat surface, trying not to touch it anymore.
"You gonna be okay tonight Steven?" He doesn't want to just fuck off and let Steven enjoy the rest of his quiet night in if Steven's going to be upset.
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Okay. When he's ready. He can-- try to be patient.
"Quite a colorful... comparison there, mate." Broken condom? Lines on a-- on a pee stick? Of all the things... he's not entirely certain how that makes him feel, but just add it to the laundry list of things that are complicated and he's still trying-- and failing to process properly. To be fair, there aren't any books on how to handle this, no advice anyone can give.
"Mm. I'll just read a book or two." How can he make Marc sit up and babysit him? It's not... fair to him, even if he'd rather not be alone. He's got the fish to keep him company at least.
"You can rest, if you want."
I forgot the word for pregnancy test 😮💨
"I'm not just interested in you reading that story out loud. Come on. Get comfortable." It's always awkward when Steven rolls on in and gets whacked upside the head with all that alcohol but Marc's been trying to ease him in and he's been acclimating better every time.
lmao it's okay, I got you!! Marc probably would call it that 😤
"Okay, okay... if you're sure." He doesn't mind if Marc would like to stay in control for a bit longer, but-- fine. He can swap out. And get hit with the slight buzz of alcohol, the burn he swears is lingering behind. The warmth left in its wake isn't so bad though.
Eloquence is not his strong suit 🤷♂️
For a moment, it seems like Marc's completely vanished, but then he tugs the blanket over on top of Steven to tuck him in and get him settled in for storytime.
"You good? Or do you want a tea or something?"
He's going to scandalize Steven 😬
But there's Marc, tucking him in and he can't... exactly stop a smile. "No, I'm good. Are you ready to pick up where we left off, Marc?"
How does Steven think these things work? 🤔
"Let's get through the next chapter." Maybe two if Steven is feeling up for it. Hopefully they don't all end in cliffhangers. That's going to get old and annoying real fast.
Technically, he wasn't even born that way 🙄
Maybe he should feel a bit embarrassed, but-- Marc seems to have been entertained the last time and Steven is wrapped up enough in the story that he doesn't seem to mind being a little silly.