[ Marc doesn't really care that it's messy. They can worry about that later, probably after a shower, but for now he's not even thinking about moving. At least not in a way that would take him out of bed, or away from Steven, since he does shift to roll back onto his side, tugging Steven right along with him so that he doesn't have to worry about propping himself up. Not that he couldn't have just collapsed onto Marc's chest, he wouldn't mind. ]
Better than good.
[ It's too tempting to resist the urge to kiss him again, when Steven's making noises like that, and while it's slower than the more urgent kisses that happened in the middle of that it's still pretty obvious that he's not having any second thoughts now that they're here. ]
I think I could get used to you helping me like that.
[ Which is actually an understatement, but Steven knows what he's like. ]
[Steven hits the bed with a breathless chuckle, riding too high on the afterglow to care about anything else beyond... well. Marc. Marc who's kissing him, Marc who looks-- actually happier than usual. He smiles warmly when they part, looking at Marc with not very well disguised reverence almost.
He feels like the luckiest bloke right now and he can't exactly hide it.]
Oh, yeah. Any time, mate.
[He tips in again to press another kiss to Marc's lips, a little more playfully.] Tonight was brilliant.
[ Steven knows as well as anyone at this point that Marc tends to be tense and stoic, keeping his own feelings at arm's length - at least - let alone anyone else who might have emotional attachments to him. But he's also seen Marc let that slip when he finally relented and let Steven in, and this? This is new.
And good. A combination that would have, in the past, probably sent him in the opposite direction as fast as possible, but there's no running away from Steven. And more importantly he doesn't want to, not now.
Maybe he's learned how to relax, a little, sometimes. But it's a whole different look when he's fully sinking into that afterglow too, lazily affectionate and... happy, yeah, that's the word. The one that has him smiling against Steven's lips, his eyes briefly closed, one hand slowly skimming down along Steven's back. ]
I bet I could think of something to top that. For when you want to help some more.
[He shifts a little, sliding his hand up to brush through Marc's hair affectionately, pushing it back where it's gotten a bit mussed. Oh, not even a little bit of him wants to move from this spot. At least not for a long time.]
[ With anyone else Marc would assume that a question like that was teasing, and Steven can tease when he's in a sassy mood, but he's also very sincere and still very new to all this. Maybe he's got some ideas, maybe he doesn't, either way Marc doesn't mind being the one to introduce him to these things. He didn't realize it before, but he would have been jealous if someone else had. Just as well that Steven hadn't been looking, not really.
He hums, content to lean into the lazy affection. But he's not really tired, not yet. ]
I was thinking that you could ride me next time, if you wanted to. [ Of course he thought about it, more or less since the moment they kissed and gave up on any pretense of resisting... whatever this is. He's pretty sure that Steven will get the idea, whether or not he's thought about actually doing it before tonight. ] Or if you wanted to lean back and let me ease you into it, I could do that.
[ They've got the trust for that now, don't they? Steven knows he wouldn't hurt him. ]
[Oh, there is an undeniable flush of color that comes back to his face, a flutter of nerves that twist in his stomach as he tries to think of how that will work. Logically, he knows. He knows it will work. Just-- you know. They're not quite tiny, are they?
And now he's rather curious if they've-- if Marc has done that before. That particular act.
For any nerves that crop up, it's a bit flattering, innit? That Marc wants to see him-- do that. He doesn't think he's too awkward or clumsy. He-- doesn't think it's too odd to watch, that Steven is just a much less handsome version of himself. Hopefully, anyway.
He smiles in the end and leans up to to kiss the corner of Marc's mouth.]
I-- I can want both, yeah? I think I want everything with you, love.
[And in the end, he does trust Marc. He'd never hurt him intentionally.]
[ Steven's expression is easy to read, that's nothing new even if seeing it from this perspective is different, Marc can practically hear the questions and considerations that must be causing him to blush like that. It's cute and earnest, so right up Steven's alley, and Marc never thought that kind of thing would be aimed at him.
Which also means that affectionate nicknames, as much as he's gotten used to casually being called love by friendly British women, land differently from Steven now. He's almost not sure how to react to it, though Steven could call him just about anything he wanted and it wouldn't ruin the afterglow at this point, but it settles almost as quickly. He's less expressive, at least with his words, but he responds with another soft, lingering kiss that says a lot for him. ]
Yeah, you can. [ He tips his head up underneath Steven's jaw, mouth nuzzling at his throat. Speaking of all the things they want— ] Are you tired?
[ He's torn, because on one hand he can easily see them stumbling into the shower and then settling right back in bed with a clean blanket. On the other he's not sure that they won't wake up in the same body again and miss their chance at it. ]
[The kiss has him practically melting. He's used to Marc being quiet. He's used to rambling on and, at times, only getting a grunt or two in response. He knows Marc is listening, that's what matters. And he knows Marc cares about him, which matters even more.
He lets breathes out when lips move back to his neck, tilting his head back to let Marc have more access to his throat. Thrilling at the contact, at the attention he's being lavished with. He could be happy with curling up with Marc and sleeping after cleaning up a bit, but--
Part of him is worried about not getting this again, not getting to explore everything he's able to with Marc, at least in a single night. So there's a careful shake of his head no as his hand slips up to tangle through Marc's hair.]
Not at all. [He does shift a little, rolling to his back properly, tugging Marc along the way.]
[ Marc moves easily with him, settling in between Steven's legs this time, and it's only a slight hitch from breathing against Steven's throat to kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin there. It's more than slightly tempting to leave an intentional mark there — has he already left some, in the heat of the moment? he's not sure, it's all been a rush, but he wouldn't be shocked if he has — and though he'll stop just short it's mostly to see how Steven will react to a slightly sharper bite first, one that Marc will soothe over with his tongue immediately afterward. ]
Not yet.
[ They're both used to being sleep deprived anyway, and lately they've been more well-rested than usual thanks mostly to the fact that they're living much more harmoniously than they were before, and even if he was completely exhausted he wouldn't admit to that now. Not when he wants more, while they have the chance, and obviously Steven feels the same way.
There is a small tube of lube next to the bed. He hadn't put it there with even a vague notion of using it for anything except jerking himself off when the mood hit, and when Steven wasn't paying attention. ]
It'll be a lot the first time. [ Because no, he's not small. ] As long as you know you don't have to push yourself, we can see how it feels for you.
[Heat is only rushing back to his face as Marc settles between his legs, putting them-- even closer together again again. Somehow, this feels even more intimate, when he draws his legs up to bracket Marc's hips, when he offers him his neck. He's sure he already has some marks left behind, but it doesn't-- matter to him. The bite draws out a gasp, a quiet noise that's definitely more pleased with the pinch of pain that he feels.
His heart feels like it's hammering in his chest. He feels nervous. But more than that, he's overwhelmed with the desire to push through regardless, an undeniable ache for the man above him. His hands slide up to tangle through Marc's hair, fingertips raking over his scalp as he looks down at him through half-lidded eyes. Beautiful. Marc is absolutely beautiful.]
I-- I want to, Marc. [He insists, worrying his lower lip. He wants to, but-- he's nervous. He has no idea how this will feel, how it will even possibly work. But he's eager and he's hoping like moments ago, enthusiasm will make up for the lack of experience.]
It's okay, yeah? I trust you. [He knows Marc wouldn't intentionally hurt him, not really. Well-- minus the punch that one time, but he knows Marc wouldn't hurt him during this. And he wants it. He does. He can't think of anyone else he'd be comfortable with enough to do this.
He worries his lip a little harder, biting until it hurts before he ventures--]
[ This never would have been possible before they came to a mutual understanding, of themselves and their situation, even if they'd both wanted to he doubts that either of them would have admitted to it. But maybe since they've let go of all that pointless resentment it was only a matter of time before they got here eventually, though obviously it would have been different if they were sharing the same body still. Not impossible, not entirely, but... tricky. Anyway that's a problem he'll think about when they have to deal with it, for now they don't.
Steven trusts him. And he wants it. So they'll go with it, and see where it takes them, since that's just how they're managing. One step at a time. ]
Yes. [ He has to push himself up for a minute to reach over to fumble around for the lube. He'd tucked it away into the drawer so Steven wouldn't immediately see it and start asking him awkward questions, but it's not hard to get to.
When he settles back on his knees in front of Steven there's a smile tugging at his lips, as he slicks up his fingers and reaches to give Steven a gentle, slick stroke, just to get him used to the lube. They don't need to rush this part either. ]
You asking because you wanna know if I know what I'm doing or because you're wondering if there was another guy?
[Things have changed a lot -- for the better, he likes to think. Whatever worries or problems linger, Steven thinks they can work on them together. He can't fathom his life without Marc now after all. He wouldn't even want to. Especially now, while they're tangled up in each other between the sheets, planning all sorts of things he couldn't have ever even dreamed of in his life before this.
Marc looks almost breathtaking right now, smiling in ways he doesn't usually allow himself to. If he was thinking of anything else beyond what they're doing, what he wants so badly, maybe he'd question about the lube.
But all he can do is gasp as slick fingers move over him, fingers nervously reaching for Marc, just wanting to touch, to hold on. He always feels calmer with Marc there after all, like nothing can happen -- or maybe like at least they've got a shot of handling it together, yeah?]
Mmnh... [There's a bit of a unhappy grunt at the question.] Was there?
[He can't tell if there's a pang of jealousy at the idea that Marc-- has had a full life of dating, even getting married and Steven's never been afforded that option because of his 'sleep disorder' and missing time, or if it's the idea of anyone else touching Marc.
Which is silly, and he knows it. But it seems Marc isn't the only half with a little bit of a jealous streak, even if he knows he has no real right. It's ultimately Marc's body in the end, and he can share it if he wants.
[ Marc's still close enough that he's within Steven's reach, and when he does stretch out for him he shifts to lean in even closer. He doesn't need to be in any particular position right now anyway, since he's just using his fingers so far, working on getting Steven comfortably slicked up and easing him into that as much as anything else, just so there's not an unpleasant kind of shock when he starts touching him with those slick fingers in places he's probably not used to exploring.
So it's not really fair that he doesn't have to contend with any jealousy, as far as anyone else capturing Steven's attention, that is. Yeah, he was mad when Steven kissed Layla, but that outburst had been just as much about the whole situation unraveling in front of him as it had been about jealousy. Oddly enough he doesn't feel that jealousy at knowing that Layla likes him, but he's completely sure that he wouldn't like even the idea of anyone else even going so far as to kiss him.
Maybe that's something they can talk about later. Maybe. Not now, when it wouldn't exactly do good things for the mood. ]
Not like this. [ Another thing they can talk about later, if Steven insists, but it's good enough for him to admit that he's tried a few things with men before, just nothing that had anything like a real connection. Definitely nothing that made him feel like this.
Because it's not just about blowing off steam with Steven, not that there's any good way to articulate how every touch is different, how he's never kissed a man the way he's kissed Steven, several times now, the way he wants to again. But it'll have to wait a bit longer, because he's rubbing and pressing further down, slipping just a fingertip inside at first. He'll have to settle for kissing Steven's chest for now. ]
[Steven isn't sure he wants to talk about that entirely awkward business, really. He-- likes Layla. A lot. How couldn't he? She's wonderful. Beautiful, smart, funny. She's had his back without question. He's not sure she sees... him though. Not just an extension of Marc.
But absolutely sees him though. Looks at him in ways that are making his heart flutter right now, making him feel warm in so many different ways. He's nervous when slick fingers make their way between his legs, but the kisses, the reassurances-- he half melts just from those.]
Yeah? [Nothing like that. That's enough to quell the uncertainty, the jealousy prickling at him. He trusts Marc when he says that, because for all of Marc's lies, for all the things he's done that Steven is still angry about... he knows he's important to Marc. Enough that he'd walk away from the Field of Reeds, even. Bloody fool. Still, there's a happy hum of noise as he lifts his hands to brush through Marc's hair, soothing, affectionate.]
Ah-- that's... [HE squirms a bit when Marc slips inside of him there. It feels. Not unpleasant. But it feels strange.]
A bit weird, innit? [He's not telling him to stop though. He just needs a moment to get used to feeling the pressure There, the way muscles almost instinctively want to clench down against the intrusion regardless of how Steven welcomed it. He manages to draw in a breath, force himself to stay relaxed. No easy feat for Steven Grant, but...]
[ Marc would never lie about this. Would he avoid awkward questions that would ruin the mood? Absolutely, but there aren't actually all that many of those, because as he's said, there wasn't a man in his life who made him feel anything like the way he feels about Steven, both in general and especially right now when they're tangled up together so intimately.
As intimately as two people possibly can be. He can't even think back to brief, often awkward situations with another man when he's so caught up in watching the way Steven moves with every touch, so sensitive but keeping himself completely and utterly open to everything Marc wants to do to him because he wants it all, doesn't he? Anything and everything Marc has to give him.
He chuckles at the question, dipping his head lower to press a slow kiss to Steven's nipple as he slowly works in a little deeper. He probably won't have to go much farther before he rubs up against a spot that gets a lot better. ]
Yeah, it's like that at first. [ He's got time to learn how to relax with it, Marc isn't impatient. He's going to make a very thorough job of learning where all of Steven's most sensitive spots are, paying more devoted attention to the ones that make him moan and offering a gentler touch with the ones that are more likely to make him squirm, and he'll only slip in more than one finger when he knows Steven can handle it. ] Just tell me if you need me to slow down.
[It really isn't taking him any time at all to get back into this, whatever they've just done. The way Marc looks above him, the attention that's all on him... he feels like he could melt from the inside out. He is absolutely open. He wants to give Marc everything he can. He wants to take everything Marc is willing to give him.
Maybe it's weird or wrong, but it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Not when his fingers tangle through Marc's hair or lips brush his skin. Certainly not when Marc seems to curl his finger and that awkward fullness fades into something far more pleasurable. There's a surprised gasp, a jerk... it takes everything in him to not awkward kick out a leg or fuss too much.]
Oh my days-- [His lips part and he tips his head back as he just-- adjusts to what Marc is doing. It won't even be so bad whenever he does slide in a second digit when Steven is far more looking forward to it, a little more convinced it can feel good... even if he's still a bit dubious about how Marc-- will fit in other ways.]
[ Marc wouldn't mind if Steven did happen to jerk or shift around in response to what he's doing to him, he could move with it easily enough, still he appreciates the fact that Steven is doing his best to keep himself relaxed and open to it all. Not that it's easy to stay relaxed when he's rubbing up against that particular spot that he knew he'd find, the one that makes Steven gasp. He wasn't expecting this part to be too challenging anyway, honestly even the full depth of a couple of his fingers won't be enough to really stretch things, he knows from his limited experience that the test will be when he's getting a little deeper, with something much thicker than that.
Obviously he isn't worried. There's no reason to be, even if it turns out that Steven can't take the full length of him, at least not without it being uncomfortable for him, he'll stick to what works for both of them. He's thinking about it, the idea of using shallow thrusts and maybe keeping a couple of fingers wrapped around himself just to make sure he doesn't accidentally push too far in a heated moment— that would work just fine.
It's so easy to imagine a lot of things working with Steven. Now that they've opened themselves up to the potential there's just... a lot. ]
No? [ He's chuckling softly again, pleased, as he pumps his fingers in a little faster now, in a deliberate rhythm. ] You want to see how it feels with my cock instead?
[Steven can't stop the way his hips jerk when Marc picks up the pace, eyes going wide as he reflexively grabs for the sheets, something to grab on to. He'd never in his days really considered-- this. He's never really thought too much about intimacy in general, always figuring he'd not have it for one reason or another. Even touching himself, it was done quickly and usually in the shower to wash the evidence and embarrassment away.
But Marc-- oh, he's giving him such wonderful ideas. His knowledge might be a bit-- limited, but he can still imagine tangled limbs and mingled pants, and Marc coming inside of him, or the things he could pant in his ear...
There's a noise that tangles in his throat at the question, his eyes darting down to look at Marc before he looks up, embarrassed to gawk too much.]
Yes-- yes. [He's not confident he can handle all of it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to try, especially for Marc. He can tolerate discomfort if it means getting Marc close again.]
I want you, Marc... so very badly. [He feels like he's not quite-- good at this. Like he's not fumbling the right words out, but they're earnest at least, eager despite any nervousness.]
[ Steven knows him well enough now to realize that despite his more even tones and his restrained, even stoic nature Marc actually feels a lot, and he's not even trying to stumble over his words to explain what he's feeling now. He knows it would be hopeless right from the start, even if he tells Steven he's never wanted anything more than this the words alone can't do it justice. But the signs are all there, the gleam in his eyes when Steven does manage to look at him with that want in his expression before he's looking away again, as if it's just too much for him to deal with — and that's fair. Marc can't really say that he's dealing either as much as he's just swept up in it.
Going with what feels good, with what feels right, whether or not it should. And right now that's slowly easing his fingers out, and before he does anything else he's pressing back up to kiss Steven again with the kind of intensity that implies that he needed that the way he would need a breath after coming back up from a long dive. It's starting to hit him that this could be a problem later but he just can't bring himself to let that stop him now.
It only takes a little distraction and shuffling to fumble around for the lube again, to slick more of it over his cock, which pulls a low noise from him that's muffled against Steven's lips. And if he tugs Steven into lifting his legs up a bit, far enough to rest against his hips, then he doesn't have to move away from his mouth even when he's rubbing the tip of his cock where his fingers were only a minute ago. ]
Tell me when you need a minute.
[ He won't stifle the shuddering breath that comes once he's easing in, slowly and just the tip at first. He's sure that he'll be able to tell when Steven's too tense and needs a second or two to adjust whether or not he says so, but he'll be listening too. ]
[There's a smile. Marc wants him, and he knows Marc wouldn't lie about something like that. Part of Steven is almost afraid that this is all just a very pretty dream that he'll wake from, that Marc won't remember and he'll be alone with how nice all of this truly is. But it's a worry that's quieted with that kiss that chases away some of those nerves until he's just left wanting. His hands slide up to tangle loosely through Marc's hair, eager to just hang on.
It really feels like Marc is the only thing keeping him anchored at this point.
This isn't quite-- how he ever imagined this going. How his first time would be. It isn't shuddering passion and sensual caresses and sweet promises murmured into each others' ear or whatever fantastic views he'd had, whatever silly little romance he'd picked up from books or movies. It's possibly so much better than that though. The way Marc wants him is real and so very obvious with the way he moves, the way he grabs and guides him.
There's still a flutter in his chest when he feels the press of Marc against him, mouth going dry, eyes going wide. His hands slide down to grip at Marc's shoulders, fingertips digging in a bit as he nods. He can-- he can do that. He can tell him if it's-- too much.
But he wants to be able to stand it.
His legs lock around Marc when he starts to push in, lips parting wordlessly as he starts to push in. Oh, that is certainly bigger than his fingers had been. He can feel the way his body is forced to stretch around the intrusion, accept it.]
Oh my days... [He sighs out, letting his head fall back as he tries to get used to the fullness that follows, tries to keep himself as relaxed as he can. He wants this. He really does, even if it's not-- something he thought they'd ever do or could ever have.
Eventually, he settles for worrying his lower lip and finally, finally, looking up at Marc's face. His own is flushed darkly and he can feel his curls sticking to his forehead, knows his eyes are still maybe a little too wide as muscles tighten reflexively or spasm around Marc of their own accord.]
S-slow, yeah? Just-- ah. [He fumbles and stutters and feels more than a little stupid.]
[ It's tight, as tight as he'd imagined it would be given how it felt when he was using his fingers, but the fact that it's tight around his cock instead makes it feels completely different. Even if he tried he couldn't possibly explain, it's more than just the pure physical sensation, though that would have been enough to steal his breath and make his heart race even faster, as the hand braced in the sheets grasps tight, a shudder racing through him as he holds still. It's not so tight that it's uncomfortable - it's a lot but he can take it - and he knows that's a testament to how much Steven trusts him. Because he might be struggling against the instinct to tense up, but Marc's sure that if there was any hint of uncertainty Steven would be having a much harder time.
He could push harder, but he won't, not until he feels Steven relax around him and willingly take more, and they'll just keep going like that until they hit a limit somewhere.
And he might not be one for the stereotypical sweet caresses and romantic words, but he is good with his mouth in other ways, and at the moment it's with slow, heated kisses scattering over Steven's collarbone and his throat, occasionally drifting back up to his mouth, and Marc's free hand is roaming along his side when he's not using it to brace one or both of them when he's ready to shift again.
When Steven stutters or fumbles he's there to reassure him with that steady touch and expressive sounds that probably do more than words alone could have done to convey how intense and perfect this is for him too. ]
I know it's selfish, but... [ He pauses, swallowing back a groan. He's so close now. ] I'm glad that you chose me. For this.
[It's so much more intense somehow. More than he'd ever imagined, like all his focus is on their bodies, on Marc, and nothing else matters at all. That's fine by him, no matter how overwhelming and scary it may be at times. He-- trusts Marc, and a bigger part of him just wants this. Wants all of it. He likes how he feels, his heart hammering in his chest, the too-full feeling as Marc keeps sinking in deeper.
Oh, and that mouth-- Oh, how wonderful are those? He sighs out, whines with pleasure as lips move over his skin, back to his lips where he messily tries to return the attention. He doesn't rightly know what to do with his hands, what to do in general, so he finds himself hanging on. Fingers sink into Marc's carefully gelled curls that hardly look so prim and proper now, his heel digs in somewhere along Marc's back as he shivers.
The discomfort fades to a background noise eventually, and pleasure takes over. Pleasure in how much it feels like Marc is filling him up, stretching him, and the pleasure that lights up his nerves when he seems to find just the right angle.
He tentatively rolls his hips up, following Marc's pace and rhythm. There's an easy, breathless smile at Marc's words.]
I feel like one of the luckiest blokes right now... [He confesses quietly, still able to look look a little abashed at the confession.]
You're so gorgeous, Marc... inside and out. [Whether or not he sees it himself, Steven can see it so very clearly.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Better than good.
[ It's too tempting to resist the urge to kiss him again, when Steven's making noises like that, and while it's slower than the more urgent kisses that happened in the middle of that it's still pretty obvious that he's not having any second thoughts now that they're here. ]
I think I could get used to you helping me like that.
[ Which is actually an understatement, but Steven knows what he's like. ]
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He feels like the luckiest bloke right now and he can't exactly hide it.]
Oh, yeah. Any time, mate.
[He tips in again to press another kiss to Marc's lips, a little more playfully.] Tonight was brilliant.
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And good. A combination that would have, in the past, probably sent him in the opposite direction as fast as possible, but there's no running away from Steven. And more importantly he doesn't want to, not now.
Maybe he's learned how to relax, a little, sometimes. But it's a whole different look when he's fully sinking into that afterglow too, lazily affectionate and... happy, yeah, that's the word. The one that has him smiling against Steven's lips, his eyes briefly closed, one hand slowly skimming down along Steven's back. ]
I bet I could think of something to top that. For when you want to help some more.
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[He shifts a little, sliding his hand up to brush through Marc's hair affectionately, pushing it back where it's gotten a bit mussed. Oh, not even a little bit of him wants to move from this spot. At least not for a long time.]
And what something else could you think of, Marc?
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He hums, content to lean into the lazy affection. But he's not really tired, not yet. ]
I was thinking that you could ride me next time, if you wanted to. [ Of course he thought about it, more or less since the moment they kissed and gave up on any pretense of resisting... whatever this is. He's pretty sure that Steven will get the idea, whether or not he's thought about actually doing it before tonight. ] Or if you wanted to lean back and let me ease you into it, I could do that.
[ They've got the trust for that now, don't they? Steven knows he wouldn't hurt him. ]
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And now he's rather curious if they've-- if Marc has done that before. That particular act.
For any nerves that crop up, it's a bit flattering, innit? That Marc wants to see him-- do that. He doesn't think he's too awkward or clumsy. He-- doesn't think it's too odd to watch, that Steven is just a much less handsome version of himself. Hopefully, anyway.
He smiles in the end and leans up to to kiss the corner of Marc's mouth.]
I-- I can want both, yeah? I think I want everything with you, love.
[And in the end, he does trust Marc. He'd never hurt him intentionally.]
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Which also means that affectionate nicknames, as much as he's gotten used to casually being called love by friendly British women, land differently from Steven now. He's almost not sure how to react to it, though Steven could call him just about anything he wanted and it wouldn't ruin the afterglow at this point, but it settles almost as quickly. He's less expressive, at least with his words, but he responds with another soft, lingering kiss that says a lot for him. ]
Yeah, you can. [ He tips his head up underneath Steven's jaw, mouth nuzzling at his throat. Speaking of all the things they want— ] Are you tired?
[ He's torn, because on one hand he can easily see them stumbling into the shower and then settling right back in bed with a clean blanket. On the other he's not sure that they won't wake up in the same body again and miss their chance at it. ]
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He lets breathes out when lips move back to his neck, tilting his head back to let Marc have more access to his throat. Thrilling at the contact, at the attention he's being lavished with. He could be happy with curling up with Marc and sleeping after cleaning up a bit, but--
Part of him is worried about not getting this again, not getting to explore everything he's able to with Marc, at least in a single night. So there's a careful shake of his head no as his hand slips up to tangle through Marc's hair.]
Not at all. [He does shift a little, rolling to his back properly, tugging Marc along the way.]
Are you?
no subject
Not yet.
[ They're both used to being sleep deprived anyway, and lately they've been more well-rested than usual thanks mostly to the fact that they're living much more harmoniously than they were before, and even if he was completely exhausted he wouldn't admit to that now. Not when he wants more, while they have the chance, and obviously Steven feels the same way.
There is a small tube of lube next to the bed. He hadn't put it there with even a vague notion of using it for anything except jerking himself off when the mood hit, and when Steven wasn't paying attention. ]
It'll be a lot the first time. [ Because no, he's not small. ] As long as you know you don't have to push yourself, we can see how it feels for you.
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His heart feels like it's hammering in his chest. He feels nervous. But more than that, he's overwhelmed with the desire to push through regardless, an undeniable ache for the man above him. His hands slide up to tangle through Marc's hair, fingertips raking over his scalp as he looks down at him through half-lidded eyes. Beautiful. Marc is absolutely beautiful.]
I-- I want to, Marc. [He insists, worrying his lower lip. He wants to, but-- he's nervous. He has no idea how this will feel, how it will even possibly work. But he's eager and he's hoping like moments ago, enthusiasm will make up for the lack of experience.]
It's okay, yeah? I trust you. [He knows Marc wouldn't intentionally hurt him, not really. Well-- minus the punch that one time, but he knows Marc wouldn't hurt him during this. And he wants it. He does. He can't think of anyone else he'd be comfortable with enough to do this.
He worries his lip a little harder, biting until it hurts before he ventures--]
Have you--? Um. Done this, I mean. Before.
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Steven trusts him. And he wants it. So they'll go with it, and see where it takes them, since that's just how they're managing. One step at a time. ]
Yes. [ He has to push himself up for a minute to reach over to fumble around for the lube. He'd tucked it away into the drawer so Steven wouldn't immediately see it and start asking him awkward questions, but it's not hard to get to.
When he settles back on his knees in front of Steven there's a smile tugging at his lips, as he slicks up his fingers and reaches to give Steven a gentle, slick stroke, just to get him used to the lube. They don't need to rush this part either. ]
You asking because you wanna know if I know what I'm doing or because you're wondering if there was another guy?
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Marc looks almost breathtaking right now, smiling in ways he doesn't usually allow himself to. If he was thinking of anything else beyond what they're doing, what he wants so badly, maybe he'd question about the lube.
But all he can do is gasp as slick fingers move over him, fingers nervously reaching for Marc, just wanting to touch, to hold on. He always feels calmer with Marc there after all, like nothing can happen -- or maybe like at least they've got a shot of handling it together, yeah?]
Mmnh... [There's a bit of a unhappy grunt at the question.] Was there?
[He can't tell if there's a pang of jealousy at the idea that Marc-- has had a full life of dating, even getting married and Steven's never been afforded that option because of his 'sleep disorder' and missing time, or if it's the idea of anyone else touching Marc.
Which is silly, and he knows it. But it seems Marc isn't the only half with a little bit of a jealous streak, even if he knows he has no real right. It's ultimately Marc's body in the end, and he can share it if he wants.
At least right now? He's sharing it with Steven.]
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So it's not really fair that he doesn't have to contend with any jealousy, as far as anyone else capturing Steven's attention, that is. Yeah, he was mad when Steven kissed Layla, but that outburst had been just as much about the whole situation unraveling in front of him as it had been about jealousy. Oddly enough he doesn't feel that jealousy at knowing that Layla likes him, but he's completely sure that he wouldn't like even the idea of anyone else even going so far as to kiss him.
Maybe that's something they can talk about later. Maybe. Not now, when it wouldn't exactly do good things for the mood. ]
Not like this. [ Another thing they can talk about later, if Steven insists, but it's good enough for him to admit that he's tried a few things with men before, just nothing that had anything like a real connection. Definitely nothing that made him feel like this.
Because it's not just about blowing off steam with Steven, not that there's any good way to articulate how every touch is different, how he's never kissed a man the way he's kissed Steven, several times now, the way he wants to again. But it'll have to wait a bit longer, because he's rubbing and pressing further down, slipping just a fingertip inside at first. He'll have to settle for kissing Steven's chest for now. ]
Nothing like this.
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But absolutely sees him though. Looks at him in ways that are making his heart flutter right now, making him feel warm in so many different ways. He's nervous when slick fingers make their way between his legs, but the kisses, the reassurances-- he half melts just from those.]
Yeah? [Nothing like that. That's enough to quell the uncertainty, the jealousy prickling at him. He trusts Marc when he says that, because for all of Marc's lies, for all the things he's done that Steven is still angry about... he knows he's important to Marc. Enough that he'd walk away from the Field of Reeds, even. Bloody fool. Still, there's a happy hum of noise as he lifts his hands to brush through Marc's hair, soothing, affectionate.]
Ah-- that's... [HE squirms a bit when Marc slips inside of him there. It feels. Not unpleasant. But it feels strange.]
A bit weird, innit? [He's not telling him to stop though. He just needs a moment to get used to feeling the pressure There, the way muscles almost instinctively want to clench down against the intrusion regardless of how Steven welcomed it. He manages to draw in a breath, force himself to stay relaxed. No easy feat for Steven Grant, but...]
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As intimately as two people possibly can be. He can't even think back to brief, often awkward situations with another man when he's so caught up in watching the way Steven moves with every touch, so sensitive but keeping himself completely and utterly open to everything Marc wants to do to him because he wants it all, doesn't he? Anything and everything Marc has to give him.
He chuckles at the question, dipping his head lower to press a slow kiss to Steven's nipple as he slowly works in a little deeper. He probably won't have to go much farther before he rubs up against a spot that gets a lot better. ]
Yeah, it's like that at first. [ He's got time to learn how to relax with it, Marc isn't impatient. He's going to make a very thorough job of learning where all of Steven's most sensitive spots are, paying more devoted attention to the ones that make him moan and offering a gentler touch with the ones that are more likely to make him squirm, and he'll only slip in more than one finger when he knows Steven can handle it. ] Just tell me if you need me to slow down.
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Maybe it's weird or wrong, but it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Not when his fingers tangle through Marc's hair or lips brush his skin. Certainly not when Marc seems to curl his finger and that awkward fullness fades into something far more pleasurable. There's a surprised gasp, a jerk... it takes everything in him to not awkward kick out a leg or fuss too much.]
Oh my days-- [His lips part and he tips his head back as he just-- adjusts to what Marc is doing. It won't even be so bad whenever he does slide in a second digit when Steven is far more looking forward to it, a little more convinced it can feel good... even if he's still a bit dubious about how Marc-- will fit in other ways.]
Oh, I don't need that at all...
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Obviously he isn't worried. There's no reason to be, even if it turns out that Steven can't take the full length of him, at least not without it being uncomfortable for him, he'll stick to what works for both of them. He's thinking about it, the idea of using shallow thrusts and maybe keeping a couple of fingers wrapped around himself just to make sure he doesn't accidentally push too far in a heated moment— that would work just fine.
It's so easy to imagine a lot of things working with Steven. Now that they've opened themselves up to the potential there's just... a lot. ]
No? [ He's chuckling softly again, pleased, as he pumps his fingers in a little faster now, in a deliberate rhythm. ] You want to see how it feels with my cock instead?
[ He's definitely hard enough for it. ]
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But Marc-- oh, he's giving him such wonderful ideas. His knowledge might be a bit-- limited, but he can still imagine tangled limbs and mingled pants, and Marc coming inside of him, or the things he could pant in his ear...
There's a noise that tangles in his throat at the question, his eyes darting down to look at Marc before he looks up, embarrassed to gawk too much.]
Yes-- yes. [He's not confident he can handle all of it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to try, especially for Marc. He can tolerate discomfort if it means getting Marc close again.]
I want you, Marc... so very badly. [He feels like he's not quite-- good at this. Like he's not fumbling the right words out, but they're earnest at least, eager despite any nervousness.]
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[ Steven knows him well enough now to realize that despite his more even tones and his restrained, even stoic nature Marc actually feels a lot, and he's not even trying to stumble over his words to explain what he's feeling now. He knows it would be hopeless right from the start, even if he tells Steven he's never wanted anything more than this the words alone can't do it justice. But the signs are all there, the gleam in his eyes when Steven does manage to look at him with that want in his expression before he's looking away again, as if it's just too much for him to deal with — and that's fair. Marc can't really say that he's dealing either as much as he's just swept up in it.
Going with what feels good, with what feels right, whether or not it should. And right now that's slowly easing his fingers out, and before he does anything else he's pressing back up to kiss Steven again with the kind of intensity that implies that he needed that the way he would need a breath after coming back up from a long dive. It's starting to hit him that this could be a problem later but he just can't bring himself to let that stop him now.
It only takes a little distraction and shuffling to fumble around for the lube again, to slick more of it over his cock, which pulls a low noise from him that's muffled against Steven's lips. And if he tugs Steven into lifting his legs up a bit, far enough to rest against his hips, then he doesn't have to move away from his mouth even when he's rubbing the tip of his cock where his fingers were only a minute ago. ]
Tell me when you need a minute.
[ He won't stifle the shuddering breath that comes once he's easing in, slowly and just the tip at first. He's sure that he'll be able to tell when Steven's too tense and needs a second or two to adjust whether or not he says so, but he'll be listening too. ]
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It really feels like Marc is the only thing keeping him anchored at this point.
This isn't quite-- how he ever imagined this going. How his first time would be. It isn't shuddering passion and sensual caresses and sweet promises murmured into each others' ear or whatever fantastic views he'd had, whatever silly little romance he'd picked up from books or movies. It's possibly so much better than that though. The way Marc wants him is real and so very obvious with the way he moves, the way he grabs and guides him.
There's still a flutter in his chest when he feels the press of Marc against him, mouth going dry, eyes going wide. His hands slide down to grip at Marc's shoulders, fingertips digging in a bit as he nods. He can-- he can do that. He can tell him if it's-- too much.
But he wants to be able to stand it.
His legs lock around Marc when he starts to push in, lips parting wordlessly as he starts to push in. Oh, that is certainly bigger than his fingers had been. He can feel the way his body is forced to stretch around the intrusion, accept it.]
Oh my days... [He sighs out, letting his head fall back as he tries to get used to the fullness that follows, tries to keep himself as relaxed as he can. He wants this. He really does, even if it's not-- something he thought they'd ever do or could ever have.
Eventually, he settles for worrying his lower lip and finally, finally, looking up at Marc's face. His own is flushed darkly and he can feel his curls sticking to his forehead, knows his eyes are still maybe a little too wide as muscles tighten reflexively or spasm around Marc of their own accord.]
S-slow, yeah? Just-- ah. [He fumbles and stutters and feels more than a little stupid.]
You're a lot, mate...
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He could push harder, but he won't, not until he feels Steven relax around him and willingly take more, and they'll just keep going like that until they hit a limit somewhere.
And he might not be one for the stereotypical sweet caresses and romantic words, but he is good with his mouth in other ways, and at the moment it's with slow, heated kisses scattering over Steven's collarbone and his throat, occasionally drifting back up to his mouth, and Marc's free hand is roaming along his side when he's not using it to brace one or both of them when he's ready to shift again.
When Steven stutters or fumbles he's there to reassure him with that steady touch and expressive sounds that probably do more than words alone could have done to convey how intense and perfect this is for him too. ]
I know it's selfish, but... [ He pauses, swallowing back a groan. He's so close now. ] I'm glad that you chose me. For this.
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Oh, and that mouth-- Oh, how wonderful are those? He sighs out, whines with pleasure as lips move over his skin, back to his lips where he messily tries to return the attention. He doesn't rightly know what to do with his hands, what to do in general, so he finds himself hanging on. Fingers sink into Marc's carefully gelled curls that hardly look so prim and proper now, his heel digs in somewhere along Marc's back as he shivers.
The discomfort fades to a background noise eventually, and pleasure takes over. Pleasure in how much it feels like Marc is filling him up, stretching him, and the pleasure that lights up his nerves when he seems to find just the right angle.
He tentatively rolls his hips up, following Marc's pace and rhythm. There's an easy, breathless smile at Marc's words.]
I feel like one of the luckiest blokes right now... [He confesses quietly, still able to look look a little abashed at the confession.]
You're so gorgeous, Marc... inside and out. [Whether or not he sees it himself, Steven can see it so very clearly.]