[The Duat is...touchy. His nightmares of Steven being frozen in sand are becoming less frequent as time passes, but he still gets them sometimes. Whereas when they first got back, he had those nightmares almost every night, he now gets them only every few weeks. Is this how healing works? Marc wouldn't know. But it does give him hope that one day, the nightmares will subside entirely.
Marc's breath catches in his throat as he listens to Steven. When he remembers to breathe again, he nods a few times.] Yeah. Yeah. [He brings Steven's hand to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of it before holding Steven's palm to his face.]
[He tries to not-- pry into Marc's nightmares unless he wants to talk about them himself. If he knew that it left-- that much of a lasting impact on Marc, he'd feel just awful. He already feels awful that Marc gave up literal paradise for him.
Flattered, yes, but absolutely awful. He had a chance at peace after all... true peace. Quiet in his head.
But that's all in the background when Marc kisses his hand like that, when he's cupping his face. Oh--
His heart skips a beat. And then he's just-- leaning in before he can overthink it or start getting too flustered to give Marc a kiss on the lips, properly. Should he? He doesn't know. But it also doesn't matter because it looks like Marc wants it, and Steven does too and--
Oh, it feels so much nicer than even Steven anticipated. Butterflies in his stomach and all.]
[Here's the thing, though, right: paradise is subjective. To some, the perfect beach is sunny and tropical and warm with white sands and azure waters. To others, the perfect beach is temperate with light grey skies and occasional sun breaks and waters so powerful that the beach is strewn with logs that were tossed ashore like toothpicks. It's not hard to guess which of the two camps Marc falls into.
But anyway, the point is: Marc can't imagine ever being able to experience peace or paradise knowing Steven was stuck in those sands. The Field of Reeds wouldn't have been "heaven" in those circumstances (whatever "heaven" means to a minimally practicing Jew who's always believed in focusing on the now and what happens in this life, but has now gotten a taste of what the afterlife is like). It only would've been "heaven" if Steven had been able to go with him.
Marc's a little embarrassed to whimper against Steven's lips, but he kisses him back.] Never thought I'd get to do that. [It's spoken quietly, their lips still just inches apart. His eyes drift down to Steven's mouth, and he goes in for another one.]
[This is-- honestly more perfect than Steven could have ever asked for. Sure, he'd have liked to see the Field of Reeds, to see Marc happy and at peace. But the way he whimpers against Steven's mouth sends a thrill through him, seems better than anything he could have ever hoped for.
It has him letting out a noise of his own as he just... pushes into that next kiss and slides a hand up to tangle loosely through Marc's hair, keeping him pulled in. Steven might not have much experience at all, but hopefully the enthusiasm makes up for it in the end, the genuine desire to make Marc feel wanted and loved and... important.
Because he is. Terribly so to Steven. He can't imagine his life without him at all.
He shifts himself as close as he can given their positions, lips tentatively parting to deepen the kiss-- if Marc wants.]
[The enthusiasm makes up for the lack of experience, sure, but so does the fact that this is...Steven. Steven is precious to Marc in ways he can't even begin to adequately express--in ways he doesn't even quite understand himself. And despite his insistence that his negative self-talk earlier was a joke, he really doesn't know how Steven got so attached to him, or how Steven could want to stay with him after learning everything he did in the Duat. But Steven does want him back, does care about him too, and Marc is so...humbled? Humbled and grateful.
He does break the kiss, though, sensing Steven's desire to deepen it. If things get more intense while they're sitting across the table from each other, they're going to knock stuff over.]
Hang on a sec.
[He takes a second to blow out the candles, then gets up and walks around the table to seat himself in Steven's lap. He searches Steven's face for any sign of discomfort.] Is this okay? [He also kind of doesn't want to go too far right now. He's usually not opposed to sex on a first date--especially if the date went well--but this is Steven, and he wants to take his time for once.]
[He hadn't-- been thinking of where this would go ultimately. Just that Marc was kissing him and he wouldn't trade it for anything, he thinks. He wouldn't trade making Marc feel good, loved, or feeling all of it returned.
Marc has his flaws, of course, and Steven-- is still upset over a lot of things that were kept from him. But how can he not love the man who's tried to protect him in his own way? Or who left paradise just so he didn't have to stay lost in the sands alone? Whatever issues they've got -- it doesn't matter in comparison to all of that.
His throat feels a bit dry when he's suddenly got a lapful of Marc, when he's looking up at him and placing his hands tentatively on his hips to help keep him balanced. It isn't bad at all, even if Steven isn't sure-- he's not sure he can go as far as he thinks Marc might want to go. Not yet. It's new and it's frightening, no matter how much he knows Marc wouldn't intentionally set out to hurt him.
But holding? Kissing? He can do that. He smiles as he slips his arms around Marc, holds him close.]
It's perfect. [There's a more genuine smile before he leans up to kiss Marc again, letting it linger a little further.]
[Marc nods, hiding his face against Steven's shoulder.] More than okay.
[He's actually happy. Stupidly happy. And genuine happiness is rare enough for Marc that his instinct is to covet it, to store it away whenever it does happen. Although, he might not need to do that right now. If he and Steven are going to be a long-term thing (however that thing is defined), he has a feeling genuine happiness is going to come his way a lot more often. And he's not sure how he'll handle that, but he'll cross that bridge when he gets there.
But, all that aside: he's sensing an undercurrent of...something beneath the happiness and affection Steven is offering outwardly. Uncertainty? Nerves? He wonders if it's because Steven isn't sure how far Marc's trying to get physically right now--if maybe he thinks Marc is trying to get in his pants. He feels the need to say something to set Steven at ease.]
Hey. Just so you know, I don't wanna go any further than this tonight, okay? Just kissing and cuddling. Wanna take things slow with you. [He presses a kiss to the crook of Steven's neck.] If you don't mind me asking: what's your experience like? I know you've at least kissed before me. [Marc's ex-wife, to be specific, and then Marc had punched him in the face. And now here he is in his lap, mouthing tender kisses against Steven's neck, feeling happier than he can ever remember being. Crazy how things change.] Anything else? Have you done more than kiss?
[Something relaxes at Marc's reassurance, at the way he curls in the way he does. It's just-- really sweet. Genuine. There's no lie he can detect in those words. He's more than okay. He seems happy. Steven's hands slide from his waist to wrap his arms around him properly, gripping loosely on to Marc's shirt.
He smiles warmly at the kissing, tilting his head a little bit to the side to give him more room.] Y-yeah? Are you sure?
[He doesn't want him to have to-- hold back, even if it's a lot. His face might heat up a bit when-- Marc questions that. He tilts his head back, lets out a soft noise at the attention. It's very nice.]
That didn't go so well for me, did it? [What, with the punch and all...]
Um, you know... I thought I should-- work on the whole cuffing myself to the bed every night first. No one wants to come back with the bloke who has to tie himself up every night so he doesn't go wandering off, do they? [He's rambling a bit, but he can't really help it. He's a little embarrassed.]
I suppose I know-- the kind you've got. Being married and all. And you're so handsome and charming and... [Marc must have a ton of experiences under his belt at this point, right?]
[Steven didn't outright answer the question, but Marc will take that as a no: Steven hasn't done more than kiss.] You know, you could've gone to their place, too. They probably didn't have bed cuffs. [But he suspects that's not the only factor at play when it comes to Steven's virginity, and he's not gonna push him for those other details.
Marc flinches when Steven brings up the punch.] Mmm. You got me back, though, didn't you? [When Steven punched him in the Duat. But he feels like he deserved that, while Steven didn't deserve getting punched for just being happy he kissed someone Marc had already decided to divorce. But at the time, the divorce wasn't finalized yet, and his business with Khonshu wasn't over yet, and all his feelings were. Complicated. Still are, a few months later, but at least now the divorce is official and their business with Khonshu is over and he feels like he can explore his feelings for Steven.
Steven seems to enjoy those neck kisses, so Marc keeps them coming.]
I've got a little experience, yeah. Just a little. [More than a little, of course. He's being flippant. But he supposes he can open up.] But Layla's the only person where there have really been feelings involved. So that's one of the reasons I wanna take things slow with you. You don't have much experience period, and I don't have much experience with--feelings being involved.
And then they'd wake up to me wandering who knows where, yeah? [It's-- not easy to sleep without the cuffs when he's fretting. And then-- he wouldn't want just random hookups or one night stands. He wanted something a bit more real than that. He always did.
But this-- feels very real. And very wonderful. He might frown a little at the reminder.] I'm-- sorry about that.
[He can't say it wasn't deserved after all the lies and hurtful things, but that doesn't mean Steven is happy about hitting Marc either. He's not really very happy about hitting anyone, ever, but least of all Marc. He's-- had enough of things like that.
And right now, Marc is making-- a very nice effort to open up. He smiles to himself before he reaches to cup Marc's face gently and guide him into a proper kiss.] Slow is-- good. [It makes him feel like Marc is really trying. It makes him feel like Marc thinks he's worth the effort while Steven might have been fretting that-- he's really nothing special. Marc could find someone else. He could-- try to work things out with Layla again, without Steven there to get in the way this time.
But instead they're here. Like this.]
... I love you, Marc.
[He really, really does. How could he not? Maybe it's too much to say, but-- it feels natural, and he's already been a sap today. He doesn't even expect to hear it back, not really.]
...fair point. [He hadn't considered the whole getting up and wandering around thing, but. Yeah. That was the whole point of the cuff in the first place, right? Not that it did any good, since Marc had always just cuffed them back in when he got back. Replaced the tape on the door.
God, he was such a dick. He shakes his head at the apology.] I deserved that. You...didn't... [But he trails off, shaking his head again. He sounds like his mother now, doesn't he? You brought this on yourself, Marc.
Marc hadn't known what was going to happen when he set this all up. It had been completely impulsive, brought on by Steven acting affectionate through texts. He didn't know if Steven would see it as a date or even want it to be a date. He didn't know if Steven would say thanks but no thanks, he doesn't like Marc that way. There had been no expectations--but if there had been, they would've been exceeded beyond anything he could've hoped for. He didn't expect that cheek kiss, or for Steven to be enthusiastically interested in the idea of future dates, or to end up in Steven's lap, kissing him.
But he definitely didn't expect Steven to say "I love you." That is by far the biggest surprise yet. Then again, Steven is constantly surprising him, surpassing any expectations he could've had.]
[Steven isn't-- he doesn't think it's so surprising? But then Marc is always so hard on himself, isn't he? Wants to push everybody away before they actually get close. But Steven was... made to protect Marc. He was made to be kind and to care and, well... Marc could use more people in his life that love him besides Layla, besides him.
But it's also not something to press when Marc is kissing him in a way that has his heart skipping beats, that makes him feel overwhelmed in the best of ways. There's a noise that leaves his throat, low and eager, as he returns the kiss. One hand slides up to curl loosely through Marc's hair while the other stays around his waist, holding him close as possible.
He just lets himself melt into the kiss for now, coaxing it a bit deeper - tentative, but eager. He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of getting to kiss Marc like this, ever want to stop. They don't even have to go further than this. He's happy right where he is right now.]
[One hand comes to rest on Steven's chest, flat and firm. Not pushing him down or groping or doing anything else. Just--resting there. Feeling. He can feel Steven's heart, his breath. That heart and breath that they used to share. God he loves this man. He loves this man beyond words.
His tongue tentatively pushes past their lips into Steven's mouth. He's overwhelmed, too. They'll probably have to end the kiss soon. Besides, there's still plates on the table and shit that need to be cleaned. But for now...he'll enjoy this for as long as he can.]
[His heart is beating fast, excitement and nervousness mixing into a dizzying combination. He kisses back eagerly until he can't anymore-- until he's pulling away to catch his breath, to look up at Marc.
He can't help a smile at the sight of him, just-- happy. That's all. He just feels happy. For everything they've been through, all the wrong things int heir life, this-- feels right. It feels good. Like something he's been waiting his whole life for.]
Marc-- [There's just the softest laugh as he reaches up to brush his hair back.]
We should, um-- we should finish our dinner, yeah?
[Marc nods, taking mental note that Steven broke the kiss literally moments before he himself would've. It's not surprising that they're in sync like that, but it is reassuring. He presses a final, brief kiss to Steven's lips before getting out of his lap and returning to his own seat, hiding a smile. He thinks this might just be the best day of his life so far. The happiest he's ever been. Which makes him feel a modicum of guilt over Layla again. But he can't let that spoil this.]
... I'm not sure I've ever seen you smile like that.
[Steven can't help but note it because he can't-- stop from looking at Marc, even if he's trying to keep it hidden away. He's smiling like a right idiot anyway. If it could happen in real life, he's rather sure he would have little hearts floating above his head right now, with how absolutely brilliant he feels.
[Marc had tried to hide his ridiculous smile, though Steven's reaction makes him question why. Old habits, or something?]
Yeah? Well, it's all your fault, you know. [And then quieter:] I like it, too. [Not his actual smile. He doesn't like the way he looks when he smiles. But being happy enough to smile? Oh, yeah. He likes that.]
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Marc's breath catches in his throat as he listens to Steven. When he remembers to breathe again, he nods a few times.] Yeah. Yeah. [He brings Steven's hand to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of it before holding Steven's palm to his face.]
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Flattered, yes, but absolutely awful. He had a chance at peace after all... true peace. Quiet in his head.
But that's all in the background when Marc kisses his hand like that, when he's cupping his face. Oh--
His heart skips a beat. And then he's just-- leaning in before he can overthink it or start getting too flustered to give Marc a kiss on the lips, properly. Should he? He doesn't know. But it also doesn't matter because it looks like Marc wants it, and Steven does too and--
Oh, it feels so much nicer than even Steven anticipated. Butterflies in his stomach and all.]
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But anyway, the point is: Marc can't imagine ever being able to experience peace or paradise knowing Steven was stuck in those sands. The Field of Reeds wouldn't have been "heaven" in those circumstances (whatever "heaven" means to a minimally practicing Jew who's always believed in focusing on the now and what happens in this life, but has now gotten a taste of what the afterlife is like). It only would've been "heaven" if Steven had been able to go with him.
Marc's a little embarrassed to whimper against Steven's lips, but he kisses him back.] Never thought I'd get to do that. [It's spoken quietly, their lips still just inches apart. His eyes drift down to Steven's mouth, and he goes in for another one.]
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It has him letting out a noise of his own as he just... pushes into that next kiss and slides a hand up to tangle loosely through Marc's hair, keeping him pulled in. Steven might not have much experience at all, but hopefully the enthusiasm makes up for it in the end, the genuine desire to make Marc feel wanted and loved and... important.
Because he is. Terribly so to Steven. He can't imagine his life without him at all.
He shifts himself as close as he can given their positions, lips tentatively parting to deepen the kiss-- if Marc wants.]
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He does break the kiss, though, sensing Steven's desire to deepen it. If things get more intense while they're sitting across the table from each other, they're going to knock stuff over.]
Hang on a sec.
[He takes a second to blow out the candles, then gets up and walks around the table to seat himself in Steven's lap. He searches Steven's face for any sign of discomfort.] Is this okay? [He also kind of doesn't want to go too far right now. He's usually not opposed to sex on a first date--especially if the date went well--but this is Steven, and he wants to take his time for once.]
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Marc has his flaws, of course, and Steven-- is still upset over a lot of things that were kept from him. But how can he not love the man who's tried to protect him in his own way? Or who left paradise just so he didn't have to stay lost in the sands alone? Whatever issues they've got -- it doesn't matter in comparison to all of that.
His throat feels a bit dry when he's suddenly got a lapful of Marc, when he's looking up at him and placing his hands tentatively on his hips to help keep him balanced. It isn't bad at all, even if Steven isn't sure-- he's not sure he can go as far as he thinks Marc might want to go. Not yet. It's new and it's frightening, no matter how much he knows Marc wouldn't intentionally set out to hurt him.
But holding? Kissing? He can do that. He smiles as he slips his arms around Marc, holds him close.]
It's perfect. [There's a more genuine smile before he leans up to kiss Marc again, letting it linger a little further.]
Are you-- okay?
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[He's actually happy. Stupidly happy. And genuine happiness is rare enough for Marc that his instinct is to covet it, to store it away whenever it does happen. Although, he might not need to do that right now. If he and Steven are going to be a long-term thing (however that thing is defined), he has a feeling genuine happiness is going to come his way a lot more often. And he's not sure how he'll handle that, but he'll cross that bridge when he gets there.
But, all that aside: he's sensing an undercurrent of...something beneath the happiness and affection Steven is offering outwardly. Uncertainty? Nerves? He wonders if it's because Steven isn't sure how far Marc's trying to get physically right now--if maybe he thinks Marc is trying to get in his pants. He feels the need to say something to set Steven at ease.]
Hey. Just so you know, I don't wanna go any further than this tonight, okay? Just kissing and cuddling. Wanna take things slow with you. [He presses a kiss to the crook of Steven's neck.] If you don't mind me asking: what's your experience like? I know you've at least kissed before me. [Marc's ex-wife, to be specific, and then Marc had punched him in the face. And now here he is in his lap, mouthing tender kisses against Steven's neck, feeling happier than he can ever remember being. Crazy how things change.] Anything else? Have you done more than kiss?
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He smiles warmly at the kissing, tilting his head a little bit to the side to give him more room.] Y-yeah? Are you sure?
[He doesn't want him to have to-- hold back, even if it's a lot. His face might heat up a bit when-- Marc questions that. He tilts his head back, lets out a soft noise at the attention. It's very nice.]
That didn't go so well for me, did it? [What, with the punch and all...]
Um, you know... I thought I should-- work on the whole cuffing myself to the bed every night first. No one wants to come back with the bloke who has to tie himself up every night so he doesn't go wandering off, do they? [He's rambling a bit, but he can't really help it. He's a little embarrassed.]
I suppose I know-- the kind you've got. Being married and all. And you're so handsome and charming and... [Marc must have a ton of experiences under his belt at this point, right?]
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Marc flinches when Steven brings up the punch.] Mmm. You got me back, though, didn't you? [When Steven punched him in the Duat. But he feels like he deserved that, while Steven didn't deserve getting punched for just being happy he kissed someone Marc had already decided to divorce. But at the time, the divorce wasn't finalized yet, and his business with Khonshu wasn't over yet, and all his feelings were. Complicated. Still are, a few months later, but at least now the divorce is official and their business with Khonshu is over and he feels like he can explore his feelings for Steven.
Steven seems to enjoy those neck kisses, so Marc keeps them coming.]
I've got a little experience, yeah. Just a little. [More than a little, of course. He's being flippant. But he supposes he can open up.] But Layla's the only person where there have really been feelings involved. So that's one of the reasons I wanna take things slow with you. You don't have much experience period, and I don't have much experience with--feelings being involved.
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But this-- feels very real. And very wonderful. He might frown a little at the reminder.] I'm-- sorry about that.
[He can't say it wasn't deserved after all the lies and hurtful things, but that doesn't mean Steven is happy about hitting Marc either. He's not really very happy about hitting anyone, ever, but least of all Marc. He's-- had enough of things like that.
And right now, Marc is making-- a very nice effort to open up. He smiles to himself before he reaches to cup Marc's face gently and guide him into a proper kiss.] Slow is-- good. [It makes him feel like Marc is really trying. It makes him feel like Marc thinks he's worth the effort while Steven might have been fretting that-- he's really nothing special. Marc could find someone else. He could-- try to work things out with Layla again, without Steven there to get in the way this time.
But instead they're here. Like this.]
... I love you, Marc.
[He really, really does. How could he not? Maybe it's too much to say, but-- it feels natural, and he's already been a sap today. He doesn't even expect to hear it back, not really.]
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God, he was such a dick. He shakes his head at the apology.] I deserved that. You...didn't... [But he trails off, shaking his head again. He sounds like his mother now, doesn't he? You brought this on yourself, Marc.
Marc hadn't known what was going to happen when he set this all up. It had been completely impulsive, brought on by Steven acting affectionate through texts. He didn't know if Steven would see it as a date or even want it to be a date. He didn't know if Steven would say thanks but no thanks, he doesn't like Marc that way. There had been no expectations--but if there had been, they would've been exceeded beyond anything he could've hoped for. He didn't expect that cheek kiss, or for Steven to be enthusiastically interested in the idea of future dates, or to end up in Steven's lap, kissing him.
But he definitely didn't expect Steven to say "I love you." That is by far the biggest surprise yet. Then again, Steven is constantly surprising him, surpassing any expectations he could've had.]
I love you more.
[He crushes their lips together.]
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But it's also not something to press when Marc is kissing him in a way that has his heart skipping beats, that makes him feel overwhelmed in the best of ways. There's a noise that leaves his throat, low and eager, as he returns the kiss. One hand slides up to curl loosely through Marc's hair while the other stays around his waist, holding him close as possible.
He just lets himself melt into the kiss for now, coaxing it a bit deeper - tentative, but eager. He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of getting to kiss Marc like this, ever want to stop. They don't even have to go further than this. He's happy right where he is right now.]
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His tongue tentatively pushes past their lips into Steven's mouth. He's overwhelmed, too. They'll probably have to end the kiss soon. Besides, there's still plates on the table and shit that need to be cleaned. But for now...he'll enjoy this for as long as he can.]
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He can't help a smile at the sight of him, just-- happy. That's all. He just feels happy. For everything they've been through, all the wrong things int heir life, this-- feels right. It feels good. Like something he's been waiting his whole life for.]
Marc-- [There's just the softest laugh as he reaches up to brush his hair back.]
We should, um-- we should finish our dinner, yeah?
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He thinks this might just be the best day of his life so far. The happiest he's ever been. Which makes him feel a modicum of guilt over Layla again. But he can't let that spoil this.]
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[Steven can't help but note it because he can't-- stop from looking at Marc, even if he's trying to keep it hidden away. He's smiling like a right idiot anyway. If it could happen in real life, he's rather sure he would have little hearts floating above his head right now, with how absolutely brilliant he feels.
It may be the happiest day of his life as well.]
I like it.
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Old habits, or something?]
Yeah? Well, it's all your fault, you know. [And then quieter:] I like it, too. [Not his actual smile. He doesn't like the way he looks when he smiles. But being happy enough to smile? Oh, yeah. He likes that.]
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Right then, I suppose I can take the blame for that. I'll have to keep it up as well, yeah?
[Because maybe Marc doesn't like to see himself smiling, but Steven happens to love it.]