"I don't know, Steven. Are we good?" Marc lifts his head a bit and glances over his shoulder even though Steven's not physically standing there. "I haven't told you everything. And you haven't told me how you're coming to terms with it all." Marc's suspecting not well, but they can work through it together.
"Yeah? I might be unteachable," Marc warns, throwing the towel over behind a stool and picking up the whiskey glass, making his way over to the bed. It's all soft and weird and he's not sure how the same body can be used to two different ways of sleeping, two different diets, two different everythings. But he's not going to question it too much.
"We'll see what happens with the blanket," Marc teases as he settles onto the edge of the bed and drinks a bit more. "You look like a blanket hoarder to me, Steven..."
"Yeah? I might be unteachable," Marc warns, throwing the towel over behind a stool and picking up the whiskey glass, making his way over to the bed. It's all soft and weird and he's not sure how the same body can be used to two different ways of sleeping, two different diets, two different everythings. But he's not going to question it too much.
"We'll see what happens with the blanket," Marc teases as he settles onto the edge of the bed and drinks a bit more. "You look like a blanket hoarder to me, Steven..."
"We're--" That's not fair. Steven wants to say yes, but honestly, probably not as much as they could be. They're... better though. Working through some things, yeah? "You could tell me now. And I'm... just taking things a day at a time. It's not something you can process over night, is it?"
... And part of him still maybe thinks Marc should go get help. One day, Steven will-- probably disappear anyway, the better Marc gets. It's a depressing thought to linger on in a way. Well-- not entirely. He'd like to see Marc well after all. He's not that selfish. But he is scared of dying, even if he's not quite real. How awful would he be if he said as much to Marc?
"I don't believe that for a second. Maybe it's all-- in there anyway. I didn't learn to fight on my own, did I?" It was because Marc knew it, and so Steven had to have the skillset in there somewhere too, right?
"How do I know you're not the cover thief and you're just projecting?"
... And part of him still maybe thinks Marc should go get help. One day, Steven will-- probably disappear anyway, the better Marc gets. It's a depressing thought to linger on in a way. Well-- not entirely. He'd like to see Marc well after all. He's not that selfish. But he is scared of dying, even if he's not quite real. How awful would he be if he said as much to Marc?
"I don't believe that for a second. Maybe it's all-- in there anyway. I didn't learn to fight on my own, did I?" It was because Marc knew it, and so Steven had to have the skillset in there somewhere too, right?
"How do I know you're not the cover thief and you're just projecting?"
"I don't want to." He would have taken his past to the grave if it meant that Steven could go on to the Field of Reeds and not have to worry about Marc's recklessness while he could just die in the desert.
"I'm not gonna suddenly speak French, Steven," Marc replies with a scoff. "And you're not gonna suddenly speak Arabic. It's not like your 'muscle memory' theory." Which, that's also not exactly how that works, he's pretty sure. "I wouldn't be able to keep anything from you otherwise. There's a-- thing between us. You're your own person and I'm my own person." And Marc is fully intent on keeping things that way.
"Let's put it to the test then. Next time we go back in." It's because Layla's the duvet thief that Marc knows he likely isn't the snatchy fighty one. Not to mention, it's Steven. He already lets him have everything. He'd be lucky to have his own sliver of the bed to lie on while Steven hogs 80% of the mattress and 100% of the blanket.
"I'm not gonna suddenly speak French, Steven," Marc replies with a scoff. "And you're not gonna suddenly speak Arabic. It's not like your 'muscle memory' theory." Which, that's also not exactly how that works, he's pretty sure. "I wouldn't be able to keep anything from you otherwise. There's a-- thing between us. You're your own person and I'm my own person." And Marc is fully intent on keeping things that way.
"Let's put it to the test then. Next time we go back in." It's because Layla's the duvet thief that Marc knows he likely isn't the snatchy fighty one. Not to mention, it's Steven. He already lets him have everything. He'd be lucky to have his own sliver of the bed to lie on while Steven hogs 80% of the mattress and 100% of the blanket.
Edited 2022-05-15 04:59 (UTC)
"You can't do that... you can't just say I don't want to!" That's not fair-- can't they just... be honest with each other? Why does it have to be so difficult with Marc? He doesn't want to fight, but... he just wants to feel like Marc can at least trust him with the less nice bits too.
"I know we're-- different. But... you did make me up. Maybe part of you wants to be able to speak it. Or--" He trails off, thoughtful. Maybe Marc just has a type. It's a bit difficult to ignore the similarities between him and Layla when it comes to-- interests. But does that mean Marc influenced Steven or did Marc just seek those qualities out in someone else or--
That whole line of thought has him uncomfortable though. He's quite to shrug it off, push it down. "It doesn't matter, does it? I'm me and you're you, and we're staying that way."
Because Marc is a stubborn twit.
"Deal. Maybe you'll be surprised."
"I know we're-- different. But... you did make me up. Maybe part of you wants to be able to speak it. Or--" He trails off, thoughtful. Maybe Marc just has a type. It's a bit difficult to ignore the similarities between him and Layla when it comes to-- interests. But does that mean Marc influenced Steven or did Marc just seek those qualities out in someone else or--
That whole line of thought has him uncomfortable though. He's quite to shrug it off, push it down. "It doesn't matter, does it? I'm me and you're you, and we're staying that way."
Because Marc is a stubborn twit.
"Deal. Maybe you'll be surprised."
"Steven..." Marc is on the brink of apologising. He hadn't meant to upset the little guy. "I've had half a glass. I'm not-- I'll tell you when I'm ready to, okay?" Is it worrying that he needs to drink to talk? At least Marc is being honest about not being ready rather than promising that he will and he will and he will and he ends up never doing what he says.
"You're not just some-- imaginary friend I made up. I didn't pick some traits I liked off a catalogue and assemble you like a lego figure. I needed someone, and you were there for me. You're no more made up than a broken condom or-- lines on a pee stick." They just... happen to be sharing more things than other people. He hopes one day Steven won't hold the way Marc made him against him. But of course, that involves talking and listening on both sides, doesn't it?
He takes another big swig of whiskey and leaves the almost empty glass on a safe flat surface, trying not to touch it anymore.
"You gonna be okay tonight Steven?" He doesn't want to just fuck off and let Steven enjoy the rest of his quiet night in if Steven's going to be upset.
"You're not just some-- imaginary friend I made up. I didn't pick some traits I liked off a catalogue and assemble you like a lego figure. I needed someone, and you were there for me. You're no more made up than a broken condom or-- lines on a pee stick." They just... happen to be sharing more things than other people. He hopes one day Steven won't hold the way Marc made him against him. But of course, that involves talking and listening on both sides, doesn't it?
He takes another big swig of whiskey and leaves the almost empty glass on a safe flat surface, trying not to touch it anymore.
"You gonna be okay tonight Steven?" He doesn't want to just fuck off and let Steven enjoy the rest of his quiet night in if Steven's going to be upset.
"Marc..." No, that's definitely worrying. He doesn't want Marc to have to drink himself into oblivion, force himself into talking. He just isn't sure anything he says will make a difference on that... not tonight. "... Okay."
Okay. When he's ready. He can-- try to be patient.
"Quite a colorful... comparison there, mate." Broken condom? Lines on a-- on a pee stick? Of all the things... he's not entirely certain how that makes him feel, but just add it to the laundry list of things that are complicated and he's still trying-- and failing to process properly. To be fair, there aren't any books on how to handle this, no advice anyone can give.
"Mm. I'll just read a book or two." How can he make Marc sit up and babysit him? It's not... fair to him, even if he'd rather not be alone. He's got the fish to keep him company at least.
"You can rest, if you want."
Okay. When he's ready. He can-- try to be patient.
"Quite a colorful... comparison there, mate." Broken condom? Lines on a-- on a pee stick? Of all the things... he's not entirely certain how that makes him feel, but just add it to the laundry list of things that are complicated and he's still trying-- and failing to process properly. To be fair, there aren't any books on how to handle this, no advice anyone can give.
"Mm. I'll just read a book or two." How can he make Marc sit up and babysit him? It's not... fair to him, even if he'd rather not be alone. He's got the fish to keep him company at least.
"You can rest, if you want."
"I'll hang around." He doesn't want to be alone either. And Steven makes for decent company, regardless of what he thinks about himself.
"I'm not just interested in you reading that story out loud. Come on. Get comfortable." It's always awkward when Steven rolls on in and gets whacked upside the head with all that alcohol but Marc's been trying to ease him in and he's been acclimating better every time.
"I'm not just interested in you reading that story out loud. Come on. Get comfortable." It's always awkward when Steven rolls on in and gets whacked upside the head with all that alcohol but Marc's been trying to ease him in and he's been acclimating better every time.
lmao it's okay, I got you!! Marc probably would call it that 😤
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justneedsomehelp
2022-05-15 09:10 am (UTC)(link)
"Are you... sure you don't want another drink?" If it helps Marc, he can maybe look the other way just this once, just this day. Just this one day that's tough on the both of them. Well-- didn't use to be tough on him, but.
"Okay, okay... if you're sure." He doesn't mind if Marc would like to stay in control for a bit longer, but-- fine. He can swap out. And get hit with the slight buzz of alcohol, the burn he swears is lingering behind. The warmth left in its wake isn't so bad though.
"Okay, okay... if you're sure." He doesn't mind if Marc would like to stay in control for a bit longer, but-- fine. He can swap out. And get hit with the slight buzz of alcohol, the burn he swears is lingering behind. The warmth left in its wake isn't so bad though.
"If you give me another one I'm not going to stop," Marc warns. He knows he has little self-restraint once he cracks open a bottle and if Steven wants to have even half a productive day tomorrow, and wean Marc off these bad habits, he'd dig up all the caches of liquor and hide them from Marc.
For a moment, it seems like Marc's completely vanished, but then he tugs the blanket over on top of Steven to tuck him in and get him settled in for storytime.
"You good? Or do you want a tea or something?"
For a moment, it seems like Marc's completely vanished, but then he tugs the blanket over on top of Steven to tuck him in and get him settled in for storytime.
"You good? Or do you want a tea or something?"
"Okay..." No more drinks, then. Part of him is still vaguely worried he'll go to sleep and wake up with a hangover though. Marc has been better about not just clutching for control the minute he closes his eyes, but... this is a bit of a special circumstance, isn't it?
But there's Marc, tucking him in and he can't... exactly stop a smile. "No, I'm good. Are you ready to pick up where we left off, Marc?"
But there's Marc, tucking him in and he can't... exactly stop a smile. "No, I'm good. Are you ready to pick up where we left off, Marc?"
"Yep." Marc is back on the windowpane once Steven has settled down. He's got his arms folded behind his head on the bed, looking up and out the apartment although he's listening closely. He can get more restful sleep here compared to that little cot and it's a lot less stuffy with some fresh air through the window. He doesn't feel like he's breathing in the mould growing all over other peoples' junk and there's no echoes of approaching footsteps to get paranoid over. He can just-- lie there and listen to Steven and let himself drift off knowing that the flat is mostly safe.
"Let's get through the next chapter." Maybe two if Steven is feeling up for it. Hopefully they don't all end in cliffhangers. That's going to get old and annoying real fast.
"Let's get through the next chapter." Maybe two if Steven is feeling up for it. Hopefully they don't all end in cliffhangers. That's going to get old and annoying real fast.
Steven reaches to grab the book, opening up to the next chapter they're on. There's a brief look over before-- he starts to read the next exciting adventure of the veteran smuggler. Of course there's voices and animated gestures to emphasis the paragraphs.
Maybe he should feel a bit embarrassed, but-- Marc seems to have been entertained the last time and Steven is wrapped up enough in the story that he doesn't seem to mind being a little silly.
Maybe he should feel a bit embarrassed, but-- Marc seems to have been entertained the last time and Steven is wrapped up enough in the story that he doesn't seem to mind being a little silly.
[Maybe Steven feels a little bad that he insisted they go home from the pub when Mr. Forward Stranger decided to grab Marc's arse and suggest they go back to his.
And by insisted, he may have been screeching in Marc's head. Just a little, tiny bit? But to be fair, that was a scary prospect, even if it was Marc in the driver's set, so-to-speak. It's selfish and stupid -- Marc should get to live his life too. But Steven would know what's happening, and he's certainly never done more than kiss, let alone have a guy's hand getting much too friendly with his... bum.
And he didn't want to just disappear for the night, go off somewhere all by his lonesome when he's gotten used to this whole package deal, this whole co-conscience thing.
It's been so much less lonely.
And he's so grateful that Marc listened and brought them home with minimal scandalized memories for the Victorian duchess alive and well inside Steven Grant. It's a miracle though that they managed to remember to do the ankle cuff before they collapsed to bed. He wasn't too successful in getting Marc to not strip down to his undies and just collapse into bed, but... well, small victories and all that.
He didn't quite expect to wake up like this though, in his bed, in his flat, but with Marc right there next to him. They're a bit... awkwardly entangled and it's. Oh, it's very awkward.
Somehow he's at least in his preferred pajamas in bed. It feels too reminiscent of the asylum, but he's rather sure they're not dead. He hopes. Oh, he hopes very much. They hadn't had that much to drink, yeah?]
Marc?
[He's trying to squirm away, but there's a leg in between his and his arm might be caught under Marc. Apparently Steven somewhere along the way mistook Marc for a teddy bear, yeah? All soft and cuddly -- except he's not really that. Well, maybe cuddly. There's just not much soft about all those muscles.]
Marc-- mm, wake up, mate. My arm...
[It's somehow both numb and tingly and he just needs to move it a wee bit, please...]
And by insisted, he may have been screeching in Marc's head. Just a little, tiny bit? But to be fair, that was a scary prospect, even if it was Marc in the driver's set, so-to-speak. It's selfish and stupid -- Marc should get to live his life too. But Steven would know what's happening, and he's certainly never done more than kiss, let alone have a guy's hand getting much too friendly with his... bum.
And he didn't want to just disappear for the night, go off somewhere all by his lonesome when he's gotten used to this whole package deal, this whole co-conscience thing.
It's been so much less lonely.
And he's so grateful that Marc listened and brought them home with minimal scandalized memories for the Victorian duchess alive and well inside Steven Grant. It's a miracle though that they managed to remember to do the ankle cuff before they collapsed to bed. He wasn't too successful in getting Marc to not strip down to his undies and just collapse into bed, but... well, small victories and all that.
He didn't quite expect to wake up like this though, in his bed, in his flat, but with Marc right there next to him. They're a bit... awkwardly entangled and it's. Oh, it's very awkward.
Somehow he's at least in his preferred pajamas in bed. It feels too reminiscent of the asylum, but he's rather sure they're not dead. He hopes. Oh, he hopes very much. They hadn't had that much to drink, yeah?]
Marc?
[He's trying to squirm away, but there's a leg in between his and his arm might be caught under Marc. Apparently Steven somewhere along the way mistook Marc for a teddy bear, yeah? All soft and cuddly -- except he's not really that. Well, maybe cuddly. There's just not much soft about all those muscles.]
Marc-- mm, wake up, mate. My arm...
[It's somehow both numb and tingly and he just needs to move it a wee bit, please...]
[ When Steven's voice does finally register, at least in some kind of vague, buzzed, dreamlike state, it only very belatedly occurs to Marc that it's intensely weird that he wouldn't have jolted awake the moment he was subconsciously aware that he's not alone in bed. He's had to roll straight out of bed and into a fight before, more than once, which is a big reason why he's not usually a heavy sleeper unless he's really overdone it on the alcohol. Or other things. But even then his instincts are sharp, though obviously that just doesn't count with Steven, who doesn't set off any of those alarm bells, even when this shouldn't be possible.
Some distant part of his mind, still hazy from sleep, is very secure in assuming that this has to be a dream, something conjured up in his own head, so it's actually not surprising that Steven's here too. Of course he would be. It's not a huge shock that he would be sprawled out in bed like a desperate starfish either, though this feels less random and more specifically aimed at winding them in as close to each other as they can be without... well, the actual 'being in the same body' thing. Except apparently he's settled a little too heavily on Steven's arm somewhere along the way. Weird for that to matter in a dream, but who's he to judge weird anymore?
He makes a soft noise that's somewhere between a grunt and a sigh, pushing against his elbow to relieve the pressure on the pinned arm, but the move does mean his face is nuzzled in against the back of Steven's neck in a way that would absolutely be awkward if he were awake enough to think about it at the moment. But he's not, and he's not sure he wants to be.
This feels nice, and maybe he just wants to hang onto that a little while longer without ruining it by overthinking the whole thing. If Steven doesn't beat him to it. ]
Don't wanna wake up yet. [ He grumbles, his breath warm on Steven's neck, just in case everyone here wasn't fully aware of his stance on this at the moment. ]
Some distant part of his mind, still hazy from sleep, is very secure in assuming that this has to be a dream, something conjured up in his own head, so it's actually not surprising that Steven's here too. Of course he would be. It's not a huge shock that he would be sprawled out in bed like a desperate starfish either, though this feels less random and more specifically aimed at winding them in as close to each other as they can be without... well, the actual 'being in the same body' thing. Except apparently he's settled a little too heavily on Steven's arm somewhere along the way. Weird for that to matter in a dream, but who's he to judge weird anymore?
He makes a soft noise that's somewhere between a grunt and a sigh, pushing against his elbow to relieve the pressure on the pinned arm, but the move does mean his face is nuzzled in against the back of Steven's neck in a way that would absolutely be awkward if he were awake enough to think about it at the moment. But he's not, and he's not sure he wants to be.
This feels nice, and maybe he just wants to hang onto that a little while longer without ruining it by overthinking the whole thing. If Steven doesn't beat him to it. ]
Don't wanna wake up yet. [ He grumbles, his breath warm on Steven's neck, just in case everyone here wasn't fully aware of his stance on this at the moment. ]
[There's a relieved, happy sigh when Marc moves his weight a bit and Steven can move his arm a bit--
Which is what he intends to do until Marc is nuzzling into his neck and he just kind of wants to melt. He lets out a soft noise, lets his eyes drift shut when breath brushes over his skin. Oh-- this is nice. This is very nice.]
Mm... [Okay. He can let him sleep-- but Steven is squirming a little restlessly, scooting as close to Marc as he can.
He so desperately wants to drift back off, but-- he's awake enough to wonder just... what's happening, and to think maybe-- this isn't okay. Should they just be sleeping here when things are... next level weird? They shouldn't be cuddling.]
Marc, we shouldn't...
Which is what he intends to do until Marc is nuzzling into his neck and he just kind of wants to melt. He lets out a soft noise, lets his eyes drift shut when breath brushes over his skin. Oh-- this is nice. This is very nice.]
Mm... [Okay. He can let him sleep-- but Steven is squirming a little restlessly, scooting as close to Marc as he can.
He so desperately wants to drift back off, but-- he's awake enough to wonder just... what's happening, and to think maybe-- this isn't okay. Should they just be sleeping here when things are... next level weird? They shouldn't be cuddling.]
Marc, we shouldn't...
[ If Marc bothered to really think about this at all maybe the weirdness of Steven being here instead of a presence only in his own mind and peeking through reflections at him would be enough to pull him out of the comfortable, lazily affectionate mood that he's in, still hovering on the edge of sleep. But confronting uncomfortable truths isn't really his style, he's much more likely to avoid getting caught up in any of that for as long as possible, and he likes this.
It was weird before, yeah, when he finally got to wrap his arms around Steven for the first time, and even though they'd been preoccupied at the time he got used to it a lot more quickly than he might have expected to. And it felt good, not having to peer through windows at each other or have one of them relegated to just a voice, and this feels good too. Better, actually.
He didn't mean to breathe down Steven's neck like that, it's just where his face happened to end up, and the noise Steven makes is... well, it hits different, and the way Steven squirms up against him is drawing even more attention to that fact.
But he's still not trying to pull away. ]
Shouldn't what?
It was weird before, yeah, when he finally got to wrap his arms around Steven for the first time, and even though they'd been preoccupied at the time he got used to it a lot more quickly than he might have expected to. And it felt good, not having to peer through windows at each other or have one of them relegated to just a voice, and this feels good too. Better, actually.
He didn't mean to breathe down Steven's neck like that, it's just where his face happened to end up, and the noise Steven makes is... well, it hits different, and the way Steven squirms up against him is drawing even more attention to that fact.
But he's still not trying to pull away. ]
Shouldn't what?
[Be like this. Stay like this. Yeah? Even if he wants to. It feels nice and secure, and Marc is being kind enough to indulge him.]
Mnh... why are we in bed like this?
[What exactly happened last night after they got back? He's a bit worried, but-- this is probably just a very nice dream, yeah? They couldn't really be together again. So maybe it doesn't hurt to indulge. Or maybe Steven is just being-- selfish. Or needy. Or-- something.
It doesn't stop him from tugging Marc's arm around him a little bit tighter for a moment, reluctant to move.]
Bit strange, isn't it?
Mnh... why are we in bed like this?
[What exactly happened last night after they got back? He's a bit worried, but-- this is probably just a very nice dream, yeah? They couldn't really be together again. So maybe it doesn't hurt to indulge. Or maybe Steven is just being-- selfish. Or needy. Or-- something.
It doesn't stop him from tugging Marc's arm around him a little bit tighter for a moment, reluctant to move.]
Bit strange, isn't it?
Because we're asleep?
[ Were, more accurately. Close enough. It's a flippant answer, yeah, but it's also the best one he's got, because he doesn't have any particular insight on exactly what this is any more than Steven does. Maybe he's more used to the sensation of reality feeling like a really subjective point of view though, due to various circumstances, whereas Steven's always been more grounded on the straight and narrow. Which has been good for him, having that stability when everything else was falling apart around him.
He feels like the selfish, needy one for not wanting to let it go, or even try to wake up if this is an actual dream, but he also doesn't feel guilty enough to do anything about it. Not as long as Steven wants to be here with him anyway, and seeing as he only seems to want to get closer that answers that unspoken question. ]
My whole life has been a 'bit' strange. [ He grumbles, not really annoyed at all as he curls that arm more securely around Steven's chest, fingers curling into his shirt. When he tips his head to the side this time his cheek rests against Steven's shoulder, breath still warm against his skin. ] You want me to move?
[ Maybe the answer is obvious, but he's still gotta ask. ]
[ Were, more accurately. Close enough. It's a flippant answer, yeah, but it's also the best one he's got, because he doesn't have any particular insight on exactly what this is any more than Steven does. Maybe he's more used to the sensation of reality feeling like a really subjective point of view though, due to various circumstances, whereas Steven's always been more grounded on the straight and narrow. Which has been good for him, having that stability when everything else was falling apart around him.
He feels like the selfish, needy one for not wanting to let it go, or even try to wake up if this is an actual dream, but he also doesn't feel guilty enough to do anything about it. Not as long as Steven wants to be here with him anyway, and seeing as he only seems to want to get closer that answers that unspoken question. ]
My whole life has been a 'bit' strange. [ He grumbles, not really annoyed at all as he curls that arm more securely around Steven's chest, fingers curling into his shirt. When he tips his head to the side this time his cheek rests against Steven's shoulder, breath still warm against his skin. ] You want me to move?
[ Maybe the answer is obvious, but he's still gotta ask. ]
Yeah... [Yeah, so has his. More than a bit strange, especially lately. And Steven knows he really doesn't have it in him to squirm away from Marc, even if he's going to be sitting here fretting about all the reasons they shouldn't-- be here. Doing this.
But Steven just... desperately wants the affection, which is probably sad. But Marc is holding him like he's something precious and-- okay, he knows how Marc feels about him now. He gave up bloody paradise to come back to Steven in the sands. But it's still nice to be held like this too.
Very nice, in fact.]
No... stay. [Although the breath ghosting against his skin makes him wish for-- well, he's not entirely sure. Probably things he really shouldn't, so he just tries to not think about it. He just reaches up to lace his fingers with Marc's and tries not to fret too much.]
Just stay, Marc.
But Steven just... desperately wants the affection, which is probably sad. But Marc is holding him like he's something precious and-- okay, he knows how Marc feels about him now. He gave up bloody paradise to come back to Steven in the sands. But it's still nice to be held like this too.
Very nice, in fact.]
No... stay. [Although the breath ghosting against his skin makes him wish for-- well, he's not entirely sure. Probably things he really shouldn't, so he just tries to not think about it. He just reaches up to lace his fingers with Marc's and tries not to fret too much.]
Just stay, Marc.
[ If given a choice Marc won't usually admit to having feelings at all, outside of very specific exceptions, let alone what he wants or needs that he can't just deal with himself, so he wouldn't say that Steven's acceptance and affection means so much to him, but it does. He'll tease the guy all day long, partially because that's just a way he shows affection, partially because he thinks Steven would be a lot happier if he learns how to loosen up a bit more, it's just a totally different situation when it's serious. He's more careful about the way he loosens his grip on Steven's shirt so that their fingers slide together.
He wasn't planning on going anywhere. Obviously. Despite the fact that for all of his wry remarks earlier he was in some kind of mood tonight, and whether he had any actual intention of doing anything about it or not the fact remains that his body has certain reactions to that given the warmth and proximity and not so subtle friction rubbing up against him.
Clearly the best way to handle it is to not mention it, right? Even if there's no way Steven wouldn't notice, close as they are. As sheltered as he is he'd have to know that it's just a thing that happens to a guy sometimes, even if he's never been in bed with someone else on those occasions. ]
I'm not going anywhere. [ He rubs his thumb against the side of Steven's hand, a subconscious kind of gesture that just feels right. ] Not without you.
He wasn't planning on going anywhere. Obviously. Despite the fact that for all of his wry remarks earlier he was in some kind of mood tonight, and whether he had any actual intention of doing anything about it or not the fact remains that his body has certain reactions to that given the warmth and proximity and not so subtle friction rubbing up against him.
Clearly the best way to handle it is to not mention it, right? Even if there's no way Steven wouldn't notice, close as they are. As sheltered as he is he'd have to know that it's just a thing that happens to a guy sometimes, even if he's never been in bed with someone else on those occasions. ]
I'm not going anywhere. [ He rubs his thumb against the side of Steven's hand, a subconscious kind of gesture that just feels right. ] Not without you.
[Oh.
Oh. That certainly is-- something, isn't it? It would be impossible to not notice that pressure up against his... bum. He feels conflicted between squirming away and making some excuse for needing to get up anyway, and just... letting whatever happens happen. There's a nervous twist in his gut, but it's more than that. There's a flush of warmth through him and something far more-- primal he doesn't want to think about.
Or maybe it's just that he feels he shouldn't.
He's afraid of messing things up or making Marc-- regret him. Regret this co-existence they're trying because Steven's chasing things he shouldn't.
But he ends up squirming back despite the inner panic, pointed.]
Marc... [He breathes out, quiet. Maybe slightly uncertain, maybe a little... more meek than he means to, but he presses back a little more firmly and summons all the courage he's capable of.]
Do you... want some help?
Oh. That certainly is-- something, isn't it? It would be impossible to not notice that pressure up against his... bum. He feels conflicted between squirming away and making some excuse for needing to get up anyway, and just... letting whatever happens happen. There's a nervous twist in his gut, but it's more than that. There's a flush of warmth through him and something far more-- primal he doesn't want to think about.
Or maybe it's just that he feels he shouldn't.
He's afraid of messing things up or making Marc-- regret him. Regret this co-existence they're trying because Steven's chasing things he shouldn't.
But he ends up squirming back despite the inner panic, pointed.]
Marc... [He breathes out, quiet. Maybe slightly uncertain, maybe a little... more meek than he means to, but he presses back a little more firmly and summons all the courage he's capable of.]
Do you... want some help?
[continued from here]
[Oh, so much worrying and retyping everything and then worrying about how Marc will take it after he's read it. Happy? Sad? Frustrated with Steven for-- some reason.]
Just... wanted to.
[Maybe he thought Marc deserves some affection. He never got much growing up, did he? And Steven just... wants Marc to know he's loved. Or that Steven is glad he's around now.
Maybe he just feels bad for how he openly wished Marc would go away in the beginning, said such mean things to him. He still thinks he had a right to be upset, but Steven isn't the sort of person who wants to be mean to anybody.]
I just wanted to make sure you knew, that's all.
[Oh, so much worrying and retyping everything and then worrying about how Marc will take it after he's read it. Happy? Sad? Frustrated with Steven for-- some reason.]
Just... wanted to.
[Maybe he thought Marc deserves some affection. He never got much growing up, did he? And Steven just... wants Marc to know he's loved. Or that Steven is glad he's around now.
Maybe he just feels bad for how he openly wished Marc would go away in the beginning, said such mean things to him. He still thinks he had a right to be upset, but Steven isn't the sort of person who wants to be mean to anybody.]
I just wanted to make sure you knew, that's all.
[Those things Steven said...echoed how Marc saw himself at the time. That had been his plan, hadn't it? To "go away" once his business with Khonshu was over?
Here's the secret, though--the one Marc will burn with till they're back in the afterlife: Marc never really saw Steven as a person until their time in the Duat. It took being split apart, seeing certain memories from an outside perspective, being able to see and touch and hold Steven in a way he'd never thought possible, for it to really sink in that Steven wasn't just his maladaptive coping mechanism and was an actual fucking person. And he still feels ashamed that it took so long--and literally dying--for him to realize this.
So yeah, they've both got baggage. Things they've thought and said about each other and done to each other that they feel bad about. Doesn't mean things can't change, though, right? Doesn't mean they can't love each other, or be the best things in each other's lives.]
What do you want for dinner? I'm not cooking, but I can do takeaway.
[And...flowers? Marc's not a flowers kinda guy, but that seems like something Steven would like. Maybe something bright to match Steven's personality, like tulips or daisies. The thought of Steven's face lighting up when he sees them sells it: he's getting Steven flowers.
Marc is more of an action guy. It'd be easier for him to show Steven how he feels than to tell him.]
Here's the secret, though--the one Marc will burn with till they're back in the afterlife: Marc never really saw Steven as a person until their time in the Duat. It took being split apart, seeing certain memories from an outside perspective, being able to see and touch and hold Steven in a way he'd never thought possible, for it to really sink in that Steven wasn't just his maladaptive coping mechanism and was an actual fucking person. And he still feels ashamed that it took so long--and literally dying--for him to realize this.
So yeah, they've both got baggage. Things they've thought and said about each other and done to each other that they feel bad about. Doesn't mean things can't change, though, right? Doesn't mean they can't love each other, or be the best things in each other's lives.]
What do you want for dinner? I'm not cooking, but I can do takeaway.
[And...flowers? Marc's not a flowers kinda guy, but that seems like something Steven would like. Maybe something bright to match Steven's personality, like tulips or daisies. The thought of Steven's face lighting up when he sees them sells it: he's getting Steven flowers.
Marc is more of an action guy. It'd be easier for him to show Steven how he feels than to tell him.]
[Steven isn't-- he's not sure how he sees himself anymore. He was made up, by Marc, to be quite possibly the worst childhood protector of all time. He's not brave or tough, not like Marc turned out to be. He's awkward and no one likes him and--
Okay, he has a new skillset now, but look at what it cost them to get it.
One day, Marc won't really need his imaginary stress ball anymore. He'll get better -- Steven has to believe that, even if the idea of disappearing scares the life out of him. But until then-- he can have this. He can... be there.
He can take care of Marc, and be happy to spend some time with him.]
Place on the corner?
Okay, he has a new skillset now, but look at what it cost them to get it.
One day, Marc won't really need his imaginary stress ball anymore. He'll get better -- Steven has to believe that, even if the idea of disappearing scares the life out of him. But until then-- he can have this. He can... be there.
He can take care of Marc, and be happy to spend some time with him.]
Place on the corner?
[Oh...it's a good thing Marc doesn't know Steven thinks things like that, because his heart would fucking shatter. He was willing to spend eternity frozen in sand with Steven rather than be without him, and it doesn't even fucking matter if he needs him, because he wants him. He chooses him. And he can't imagine ever not wanting or choosing him.
But Marc doesn't know Steven has those thoughts, so he goes about planning an embarrassingly stereotypical evening. Dinner, flowers...candles? Shit, why not go all the way with it? Marc's never been with the kind of person who's into flowers and candlelight, but Steven seems like that type.
Not that he's "with" Steven. He's not even quite sure what his intention is as he walks home from the flower shop. Every time he passes a bin, he's tempted to throw the bouquet in it. Just picking up food would be smarter. Picking up dinner doesn't come with connotations in and of itself. But when paired with flowers? That could send a message he's not sure he's ready to send yet, and he's not sure Steven is ready to receive yet.
But something keeps the flowers in his hand, and he puts them in water when he gets home.]
Ok I picked up food
[Anyway, again: words aren't his strong suit.]
But Marc doesn't know Steven has those thoughts, so he goes about planning an embarrassingly stereotypical evening. Dinner, flowers...candles? Shit, why not go all the way with it? Marc's never been with the kind of person who's into flowers and candlelight, but Steven seems like that type.
Not that he's "with" Steven. He's not even quite sure what his intention is as he walks home from the flower shop. Every time he passes a bin, he's tempted to throw the bouquet in it. Just picking up food would be smarter. Picking up dinner doesn't come with connotations in and of itself. But when paired with flowers? That could send a message he's not sure he's ready to send yet, and he's not sure Steven is ready to receive yet.
But something keeps the flowers in his hand, and he puts them in water when he gets home.]
Ok I picked up food
[Anyway, again: words aren't his strong suit.]
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